The Mirror of His Word

Do you really love me like that? Can a love that has no limits really exist? A love that transcends all time that sees beyond the flaws and beyond just merely existing. This love, Your love is like a fairytale. Sure girls dream but when you been chasing after something that says the opposite and leaves you feeling more empty inside then deep down you know that fairy tales don't come true.
To magically be transformed into the princess, into the beauty is something that don't exist. But then every time I hear Your words they tell me that I am beautiful, that I am the princess. Your words tell me that I am the women that I, along with so many others are desperately seeking to be. Your beauty and the worlds beauty is so different. Satan has so distorted the true meaning of beauty that my perception of it is almost non existent. Help me to understand your beauty Lord, the real meaning. I do understand this...
Beauty is You and Your the Only One that I can receive my beauty from. Your the Only One that gives true beauty. The Only One that gives true love.
Therefore, fairy tales really do come true and princesses really do exist. Not as this world would have me believe but by the mirror of Your Word I am transformed into the image of Christ by His true Love and His true Beauty.

Sweet Words

This was on a card that my mom sent me:

You are my Shepherd
I will not be afraid
You make me dwell in peace
You are my light
And the Lord of my journey
Your rod and Your staff
Comfort me
So I'll sing in the valley
Shout from the mountain
Drink from the river
Dance near the fountain
Of Your everlasting life
And Your eternal love

December Verse

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you... ~ John 14:27

I'm Not Alright - Lyrics

By Sanctus Real

If weakness is a wound that no one wants to speak of,
Then cool is just how far we have to fall
I am not immune-I only wanna be loved
But I feel safe behind the firewall
Can I lose my need to impress?
If you want the truth, I need to confess

I'm not alright
I'm broken inside, broken inside
And all I go through
It leads me to you, it leads me to you

Burn away the pride, bring me to my weakness
Until everything I hide behind is gone
and when I'm open wide with nothing left to cling to
only you are there to lead me on
Because honestly, I'm not that strong

I'm not alright - I'm broken inside, broken inside
and all i go through - it leads me to you, it leads me to you

(and now i'm moved, and now i'm moved, and now i'm moved)closer to you
(and now i'm moved, and now i'm moved, and now i'm moved)closer to you
(and now i'm moved, and now i'm moved, and now i'm moved)closer to you
(and now i'm moved, and now i'm moved, and now i'm moved)

I'm not alright - I'm broken inside, broken inside
I'm broken inside, broken inside
and all I go through leads me to you, leads me to you

I'm not alright - I'm not alright - I'm not alright
Thats why I need you

Lonely Girl

Hey there lonely Girl, lonely girl
Let me make your broken heart like new...



Everything came to a head last night. It's that whole teapot thing. When the anger starts to boil and then you blow and let outa whole lotta steam. Except, it's not anger that has come to the surface but pain. This pain goes deep. It's an emptiness and heaviness at the same time...The pain is loneliness. It's a different kinda loneliness I never felt before though. It's more then being home alone for the holidays. It's a loneliness that says, no one wants you. No one cares. No one even notices your there. It's feelings of abandonment,helplessness and wandering. I have carried this loneliness with me since I was a little girl. Always being left alone to find my way through life. So much stuff that has left me feeling abandoned and alone. So much stuff that still leaves me feeling left all alone.
As painful as it may be this is all part of my growing up. To see myself as He sees me. To know in my heart and not just my head that He calls me His own. To know I am His daughter and to know how very much He loves me.

Guest Blogger: Angelina

IMPORTANT REMINDER:


Today you have a clean slate on which to record your life and your legacy. And because every day adds up to weeks that add up to months that add up to years, there is not one day that goes by uncounted.



So 3 things to work on today:


1. Decide today that this is going to be the best day you’ve ever had and when tomorrow comes you’ll decide the same thing.

2. Fight the temptation to compromise your values and beliefs. It will make you stronger. And temptation will come daily so make yourself consciously aware of that.

3. And as Mother Theresa put it “Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. I think Jesus put it well when He said something similar in Matthew 5:16 “Let your light so shine before all men that they might see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.” Make that one of your top goals today and you’ll automatically feel better about your life!

5 Steps to Becoming a Healthier Me

1. Spend time with Him

2. Trust Him

3. Listen for His voice

4. Obey Him

5. Go about doing good just as Jesus did.

Birthday Boy

It's baby Samuel's birthday! He's two years old now.

Your Love is Like - Lyrics

Your love is like the rain falling on my soul
Covering every place, making gardens grow
Sweetness overflows pouring from Your lips
Kisses from above, let the heavens drip

Your love is like the ocean
I'm drowning in Your presence

I'm getting lost in the gaze of Your eyes
I'm getting lost in the warmth of Your smile

Your love is like a room full of precious jewels
It takes my breath away, there's riches beyond words
When it's just me and You I can't remember storms
All I can do is melt into Your arms

Permission Granted

You have My permission to trust...
You have My permission to enjoy life...
You have My permission to be a women...
You have My permission to worship Me freely...
You have My permission to pass Me along to your friends and family...

Anxious Heart

In Discerning the Voice of God, Priscilla Shirer asks the question Which of the following adjectives describe your stance when waiting on God's Word to you?
I marked doubtful and confident because I still doubt His Word to me but then I have more confidence in His word then I did before and I am becoming more confident in Him as I grow. I also marked other and wrote the words anxious and rest assured because again I tend to go both ways. I didn't understand why the word anxious would come to mind either cuz I do not worry like I used to. But I wrote it down anyway wondering if God was really giving me that word.
So Saturday night at church I got to sit in service. I was late but arrived just in time to hear what the Lord wanted me to hear. Be anxious for nothing, but in
everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;~ Philippians 4:6
I learned that anxious in this passage means drawn or pulled in different directions.
I just about fell outa my seat. Well, okay, I wanted to but I didn't. Everything inside me was jumping at the fact that God was talking to me. I had no idea that anxious could mean that. I always thought it only meant worry.
Anxious is a problem for me. I am definitely drawn and pulled in different directions by others opinions or judgmental comments to me. This is the other voice that distracts me from the one true voice that I need to follow, the only one that matters. This is also where my approval addiction kicks in. The only opinion and approval I should be seeking is the Word of God and not what man thinks.
I have learned in the last couple weeks that we are not all in the same place spiritually and therefore you can have two people reading the same book, passage, or listening to the same message but there perceptions can be very different.

Lord teach me to follow hard after you. May I receive others opinions of myself with patience and grace just as you have received me in patient love and grace. And may your opinion and approval be the only one that matters to me, the only one I follow.

Friendship Study

I am doing a friendship study with a few women. We are studying this book. It's an area in my life that I have chosen not to think about. It has been hard for me this past week to go there. I have not written into the group and talked about my thoughts yet cuz I really don't know how to put them into words and how much to even say. So I figured I would blog about it and see what comes out.

They Drew A Circle and Left Me Out:
I keep asking God to show me how it was. Was I ever left out. I don't remember being left out but I am sure I was sometimes, aren't we all? I don't think it ever really bothered me though. In elementary school I always had my sister and cousin to play with if no one else wanted to. I made friends pretty easily so I always had them. But here's where it gets tricky. When clicks started forming in 6th grade, I never really belonged to a particular group. I was friends with the good girls and also friends with the popular one's. This was also a small Christian school so we all knew of each other.

Sororities:
I never went to collage, so never joined a sorority. The closest thing I can relate to it though would be gangs. No, I never joined a gang. But I hung out with the homies from ages 15-20. To be honest I was there sidekick. Us girls gave ourselves away like candy. Some more then others. I happened to be in the more category. This is how I became popular. Everyone knew me but for the wrong reasons.

So this is what God is showing me. The question has always been why? Why would I give myself away to so many. It has been said because I didn't have a dad and I wanted male attention. Maybe I was sexually abused when I was little.
It never mattered to me that I didn't belong in school cuz the thing that I wanted to belong to was a dad and mom. The thing that hurt me all through childhood and beyond was not having parents that noticed me and never being accepted in church. I have carried this not belonging feeling with me to adulthood. Just recently the Lord has begun to reveal this to me and heal me from this not belonging anywhere I go thinking and is replacing it with me belonging to Him. Since doing this study I see that the gangs gave me a sense of belonging and with the sex and popularity I became noticed.
What's sad is that this is the mentality some people approach church with. I hear it thru the 'high school' comments they make and the cliques that can form.
Until we come to the full understanding of Who we really belong to then we will continue searching for it through other means all the while never being fully satisfied.
Recently I found myself trying to figure out what group I belong to in my church when it comes to the Holy Spirit. The Lord quickly checked me on that one. He said, it does not matter, don't belong to either. You belong to me. Follow me.
He is the way, the truth and the life and that's all that matters.

Let My People Go

Over the last few days the Lord has been showing me that I need to let Joe go.
For the past month He has told me that it's his time to be in the service and not in the family room. Then at bible study Friday night the thought came to me that maybe I am not supposed to be with Joe right now in the service. The next day as I was driving home from a friendship meeting the Lord said to me, "He's mine first, not yours let him go." This reminded me of the time back in August when the Lord showed me that Joe will be saved to worship Him, not me.
We did not make it to church over the weekend. Sunday night the Lord impressed on my heart to make more of an effort to get my family to church. Joe really needs to be there. Last night at the last minute I decided to go to Royal Identity's Thanksgiving Feast. While there I met a lady I had never met before. She was awesome! As I listened to her talk the Lord showed me that I don't have to feel bad that my lil' ones are sitting with me in church and I don't have to feel bad if I don't put them in the toddler room. I am where I need to be for such a time as this.
This morning the Lord is telling me to "let my people(Joe) go" So I looked up that story in the bible. He led me to Exodus and in chapter 8 verse 1 the Lord says to Moses, "Go to Pharaoh and say to Him this is what the Lord says:Let my people go so that they may worship me."
It's Joe's time. Time to find himself in the Lord apart from me. Just like I have had to find myself in the Lord. He belongs to Him first. The Lord is also showing me to let him go and He will give him back twofold.

Thankful Thursday

My friend Alex made a thankful Thursday list. Here is mine:

- I'm thankful for the love of the heavenly Father that He lavishes on me.

- I'm thankful that I am His daughter and He is my Father.

- I'm thankful for my husband and how he stayed up all night the other night switching the barf bags and cleaning everyone up while I slept.

- I'm thankful that my husband is a hard worker.

- I'm thankful for my church and how they faithfully teach the word of God.

- I'm thankful God gave me 5 boys.

- I'm thankful God gave me a princess.

- I'm thankful for my sister.

- I'm thankful for my prayer time I had with a friend and the sister relationship God is building with us.

- I'm thankful that my husband is a painter and can paint our house.

- I'm thankful for the new church building.

- I'm thankful for this house God gave us. It's beautiful.

- I'm thankful for C&Z.

- I'm thankful for the big, huge bonus check my husband came home with the other day.

- I'm thankful for all the hard times in my marriage. It has made us stronger as a couple.

- I'm thankful books. I love reading!

- I'm thankful for Half price books and the many books I find there.

- I'm thankful for the sweet worship at Royal Identity

- I'm thankful for my chains that are falling off and God setting me free.

- I'm thankful for the word of God.

- I'm thankful that our church family fixed our van.

- I'm thankful that I can homeschool my children.

- I'm thankful for God teaching me and my friend the same things. We have some awesome conversations!

Guard the Heart

God has been talking to me the past few weeks about guarding my heart. Today I was reading in 2 Timothy and verse 14 says, Guard and keep[with the greatest care] the precious and excellently adapted [Truth] wich has been entrusted [to you], by the [help of the] Holy Spirit Who makes His home in us. Great verse!

First Love

You are my first Love. Because You are like no other love I have ever known. I have never known love like this. All the other lovers are false and lead to emptiness. I'm tired of false love and feeling empty. What makes me think that I can find true love in people or things when You are the only One I need, the only One that can fill the void that lingers deep within. I can't believe how real Your Love is. It's like a fairy tale. A dream come true. Only, I am the princess and You, You are captivating and beholding. Your gentle voice and touch lead me. Laced with grace I am free to be me in You, with You, for You. I want to stay in Your embrace always & forever. I love You my Lord and Savior.

Dance!

Song of Solomon 6:4~13 (The Message)

Dear, dear friend and lover,
you're as beautiful as Tirzah, city of delights, Lovely as Jerusalem, city of dreams,
the ravishing visions of my ecstasy. Your beauty is too much for me—I'm in over my head.
I'm not used to this! I can't take it in.
Your hair flows and shimmers like a flock of goats in the distance
streaming down a hillside in the sunshine. Your smile is generous and full—
expressive and strong and clean. Your veiled cheeks are soft and radiant.

There's no one like her on earth, never has been, never will be.
She's a woman beyond compare. My dove is perfection,
Pure and innocent as the day she was born, and cradled in joy by her mother.
Everyone who came by to see her exclaimed and admired her—
All the fathers and mothers, the neighbors and friends, blessed and praised her:

"Has anyone ever seen anything like this—
dawn-fresh, moon-lovely, sun-radiant,
ravishing as the night sky with its galaxies of stars?"

One day I went strolling through the orchard,
looking for signs of spring, Looking for buds about to burst into flower,
anticipating readiness, ripeness. Before I knew it my heart was raptured,
carried away by lofty thoughts!

Dance, dance, dear Shulammite, Angel-Princess!
Dance, and we'll feast our eyes on your grace!
Everyone wants to see the Shulammite dance her victory dances of love and peace.

Bug Be Gone

I am so bummed. Tonight is first Wednesday and the dedication at church and we don't get to go cuz we have the flu or something.
Not only that I left Royal Identity early last night because of not feeling well. I am glad I did though cuz I came home and barfed. Disappointed cuz I did not get to hear the message on the Father's love. Concerned that I won't make it to Bible study Friday night.
Last night was a nightmare. I rarely get sick but somehow I caught this one and not only me but this vicious bug decided to make it's way to the whole family. It started a couple days ago but last night was really bad.
I'm telling you, I think the enemy is trying to stop us from going to church.
Thankfully it seems to be a 24 hour bug so we should be in church this weekend.

Song of the Thunderstorms

I never knew this was in the bible. What a beautiful passage of how powerful and mighty the Lord really is. I tend to forget this by humanizing Him and bringing Him to my level. My way of thinking and doing things. His Word is so powerful. All I have to do is believe it!

Psalm 29

Give unto the Lord, O you mighty ones,
Give unto the Lord glory and strength.
Give unto the Lord the glory due to His name;
Worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness.

The voice of the Lord is over the waters;
The God of glory thunders;
The Lord is over many waters.
The voice of the Lord is powerful;
The voice of the Lord is full of majesty.

The voice of the Lord breaks the cedars,
Yes, the Lord splinters the cedars of Lebanon.
He makes them also skip like calf,
Lebanon and Sirion like a young wild ox.
The voice of the Lord divides the flames of fire.

The voice of the Lord shakes the wilderness;
The Lord shakes the wilderness of Kadesh.
The voice of the Lord makes the deer give birth,
And strips the forests bare;
And in His temple everyone says, "Glory!"

The Lord sat enthroned at the Flood,
And the Lord sits as King forever.
The Lord will give strength to His people;
The Lord will bless His people with peace.

On Guard & In Position

Something is on the horizon, I feel it. God is building a faith in me like never before. I sense war in my spirit and I need to be on guard and in position. I always need to be on guard and in position but sometimes the H.S shows me exactly when somethings going on in the spirit.

Being On Guard - Guard my heart for it is the wellspring of life.

Being In position - Being still before the Lord. Listening for His still small voice.
Positioning myself in prayer, in worship, and in the Word.
Positioning myself around other believers for where two or more are gathered there He is in the midst of thee.
Positioning myself to where He is calling me to be and staying on task to what it is He is calling me to do.

2 Cronicles 20:17 ~ You shall not need to fight in this battle; take your positions, stand still, and see the deliverance of the Lord...

Princess Warrior Decree

2 Samuel 22:30-41

With your help I can advance against a troop
with my God I can scale a wall.

As for God, his way is perfect;
the word of the LORD is flawless.
He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him.

For who is God besides the LORD?
And who is the Rock except our God?

It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.

He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
He enables me to stand on the heights.

He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.

You give me your shield of victory;
You stoop down to make me great.

You broaden the path beneath me,
so that my ankles do not turn.

I pursued my enemies and crushed them;
I did not turn back till they were destroyed.

I crushed them completely, and they could not rise;
they fell beneath my feet.

You armed me with strength for battle;
you made my adversaries bow at my feet.

You made my enemies turn their backs in flight,
and I destroyed my foes.

Prayer

Lord, I think I'm getting sick again. Nevertheless, I am determined to have an awesome day with you. To sit at your feet and behold your beauty. This exchange you have been talking to me about. I'm holding back. I am not ready to give up some things. But oh how you have brought me so far. How you have brought Joe so far too is just so unbelievable. We're going to church on Saturday. It's been about 2 weeks and I hate when that happens cuz then it's so hard for me to walk through those doors because of my insecurities. You know, I just realized something. I don't think the the enemy wants me at the church. What if my insecurity issues is all a delusion.
I better be on guard to the enemy stopping me from going. Open my eyes to his traps Lord to the ones that are hidden. So that I might trample him under my feet with all the power and authority that I have in You. Give me supernatural love and grace to extend to my husband and children today. Cover me in the armor of God.
Oh,ya, and please tell the enemy IT"S ON!!

November Verse

Be thankful for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. ~ 1 Thess. 5:18

He Loves Us

God's Love

1 Corinthians 13, known as the love chapter is what love is and is not. I have always asked God to help me be loving. Even replacing love with my name like we've all read. But I have never read the love verses as God's love to me. I know that God is love, but do I really know that love for myself cuz if I don't then wouldn't I be like a noisy gong or clanging cymbal? Oh God, may I know how much you love me!

Love is patient
Love is kind
It does not envy
It does not boast
It is not proud
It is not rude
It is not self-seeking
It is not easily angered
It keeps no record of wrongs
Love does not delight in evil
But rejoices with the truth
It always protects
always trusts
always hopes
always perseveres
Love never fails.

In Christ Alone - Travis Cottrell

Heart Surgery

This has been a year of having spiritual heart surgery. Where He is taking out my old heart, the heart of stone and giving me a heart of flesh.(Ezekiel 36:26) It's old things passing away. He is giving me life. And life more abundant. After all that's what Jesus died to give us. But to many christians are walking around like He is still dead. I know cuz I was one of them. But now I know that I know He is alive and active in me, living in and through us. Last night He showed me that I am to Be Still while He has His perfect way in me. As He continues to pump His blood through my empty veins giving me life I am to Be Still and Know Him.

Sing to the King

This is the song from the passion cd that God gave me to sing after releasing tears of abandonment.


Sing to the King Who is coming to reign
Glory to Jesus, the Lamb that was slain
Life and salvation His empire shall bring
And joy to the nations when Jesus is King

Come, let us sing a song
A song declaring that we belong to Jesus
He is all we need
Lift up a heart of praise
Sing now with voices raised to Jesus
Sing to the King

For His returning we watch and we pray
We will be ready the dawn of that day
We'll join in singing with all the redeemed
'Cause Satan is vanquished and my Jesus is King

My Lil' Pumpkins

Insecure & Secure

I looked up the meaning of insecure and secure. I thought it interesting. I have a long way to go, but hey, at least I'm on my way.


Main Entry: in·se·cure
Function: adjective
Pronunciation: "in-si-'kyur
Etymology: Medieval Latin insecurus, from Latin in- + securus secure
1 : not confident or sure : UNCERTAIN
2 : not adequately guarded or sustained : UNSAFE
3 : not firmly fastened or fixed : SHAKY
4 a : not highly stable or well-adjusted b : deficient in assurance : beset by fear and anxiety

Main Entry: 1se·cure
Function: adjective
Pronunciation: si-'kyur
Inflected Form(s): se·cur·er ; -est
Etymology: Latin securus safe, secure, from se without + cura care -- more at SUICIDE
1 a archaic : unwisely free from fear or distrust : OVERCONFIDENT b : easy in mind : CONFIDENT c : assured in opinion or expectation : having no doubt
2 a : free from danger b : free from risk of loss c : affording safety d : TRUSTWORTHY , DEPENDABLE
3 : ASSURED 1

Books, Books & More Books

Uh, I am having a hard time sticking with one book lately. I am trying to read Captivating and Your All That! along with 3 other books. Then God is talking to me about insecurity lately and with that I need to read the insecurity section of the book that Joyce Meyer wrote in Straight talk. Then I just saw a new book called Face to Face with God that I really wanna pick up. It's about being in His presence. I can't keep up!

The Warrior is a Child

By Twila Paris

Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
Strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

Unafraid because His armor is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
Never face retreat
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
the warrior is a child

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and look up for a smile
'Cause deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
The Warrior is a Child

Releasing Tears

I have been crying all day. The pain that is coming up I never knew was there. It hurts so bad. And I can't stop crying. I think I am crying cuz I was left alone and I never had a mom(emotionally) and dad. I never knew that hurt me though. I wonder if I ever cried when I was little over this but I don't think so cuz I have kept this gotta keep going attitude in me and not let myself feel the pain and could not admit that it hurt. I can't believe I have been living like this all my life. This has followed me this whole time.
Everything has been a lie. The adults in the family have created some kinda illusion that it doesn't hurt and its not that way at all. But it's real and it's been eating me alive. All that time they tried to blame us. No one has ever taken responsibility for there own selves. It's always been our fault. And I been carrying this responsibility, there resposibility this whole time. I can't do it any more. I can't...

Dear Secret Keeper

You are taking me back to my childhood to find the little girl you created. I found her but she's lost. She's looking for her mother but she can't find her. Is it possible that even now I am still lost? Is it possible that I am still looking for my mother? I have no one Secret Keeper, they all left me. And now it's not only me they've left but also my children. But they were never really there in the first place were they? Was it all a delusion? Cuz I feel like I lived two lives.
Member when they would tell me how I have no heart....hahaha I laugh at that now. Cuz what they were really telling me was I don't care about them. Sometimes I hear whispers that I don't care about them and I start to feel guilty thinking maybe I don't and I should just be nicer. But being nicer never brought mom back. It's all a lie. In some twisted sick way I was expected to care and love my family without them loving me in return. That's how it's always been and that's how it still is. And that's why I left. But am I still running like when I was younger? Never belonging to no one or anything. Is this why I can't get comfortable every where I go? Help me Secret keeper. Please bring me home again...I keep going back only to leave again and again. I want to run into Your arms and stay this time.

Only You

I woke up this morning with this song on my mind. When I looked up the lyrics I knew God had given it to me. This has been my heart's cry the past few weeks that I have been sick. To come to a place where I see only Him and no other. Where His love is the only one that matter's and He is my only desire.


by the Platters

Only you can make this world seem right
Only you can make the darkness bright
Only you and you alone
Can thrill me like you do
And fill my heart with love for only you

Only you can make this change in me
For it's true, you are my destiny
When you hold my hand
I understand the magic that you do
You're my dream come true
My one and only you

Only you can make this change in me
For it's true, you are my destiny
When you hold my hand
I understand the magic that you do
You're my dream come true
My one and only you

Update

I have been sick all day. Tonight is the first time my head and face are not throbbing. I am hoping to be better for tomorrow night cuz either way I am still going to R.I. I don't want to miss the warrior class I am taking. I have been having trouble thinking straight due to this sickness and so haven't really wanted to blog. Kids had frozen burritos for dinner tonight and I think I will throw something in the crock pot for tomorrow's dinner. I just hope it comes out okay, I cannot taste a thing due to this cold or whatever it is.
On a more positive note I started preschool with the lil' ones today cuz after all "little guys rule" My new saying from the movie Surf's Up.

After Your Heart Lyrics

By Phil Wickham

Can I have your attention
What are we starting here
Just look around you cuz the answer is clear
Listen, Listen
and hear the coming sound
All of the children are singing it loud

Let's be the revolution
That lives for holdin nothing back, nothing back

Chorus
We're after Your heart, after Your heart
All of the walls now are breaking apart
Live like we see it love like we mean it
This is the start we're after Your heart

Start the ascension
Begin the holy climb
Up to where heaven and the earth collide
Bring your affection
All that you have inside
Enter the kingdom and become alive

Love with no condition
It lives for holding nothing back, nothing back

Chorus

Oh lets go higher and higher
Hear the song of the free
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Lift your soul join with the choir
Sing the song, let it ring
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

We're after Your heart never going to stop until we reach You

Warrior

Definitions:
A person engaged or experienced in warfare, a soldier
A person who shows great vigor, courage, energy, passion and aggresiveness
A person engaged or experienced in battle, compative
A skilled soldier, fighter
A person who wages war for the cause of the good

Strong's Hebrew Lexicon:
Intensive, powerful
Champion
Excel
Mighty
Valiant
Soldier
Potent
Concretely
Prince(Princess)
Governor
Ruler

Princess

Definitions:
A daughter of the Sovereign, of the King!
A woman member of a royal family, especially a daughter!
A woman who is a ruler of a principality!
A woman who is a hereditary ruler!
A noblewoman of status or rank!
A woman of the same rank as a prince in her own right!
The wife(BRIDE) of a Prince!

Strong's Hebrew Lxicon:
Feminine, a mistress, ie.female noble: a lady, a princess, a queen

Princess Warrior

I have been learning more about my name and have found that the name Athena means more then what I thought it meant. Athena means Goddess of wisdom and of war. I just think that's so cool! But more importantly it's time for me to take on the prophetic meaning of my name, the one God called me when He formed me in my mother's womb.

Athena of wisdom and war.
...for wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her ~ Proverbs 8:11
Praise be to the LORD my ROCK, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle ~ Psalm 144:1

Athena is my spiritual name for this next season. Late last night He gave me another name. I said you can't have two spiritual names. He said Cinderella. And then I understood because earlier during worship the spirit spoke to my heart saying you are a princess everyday even when you don't feel like it. You are a princess through everything no matter what. Your My princess and now I'm gonna bring the princess I created in you out.
Princess Warrior is who He made me to be.
Princess Warrior is who I am in Him.
Princess Warrior is who I am becoming.
Princess Warrior is me.

So this is Love

Before the computer crashed, God gave me a song from the movie Cinderella. The song is called So This Is Love. When I looked up the lyrics my heart just melted cuz I totally knew it was from Him. This is the words to the song.


So this is love, Mmmmmm
So this is love
So this is what makes life divine
I'm all aglow, Mmmmmm
And now I know
The key to all heaven is mine

My heart has wings, Mmmmmm
And I can fly
I'll touch ev'ry star in the sky
So this is the miracle that I've been dreaming of
Mmmmmm
Mmmmmm
So this is love

Blogging Again

Well, we had our computer repaired so I get to blog again. I am sick right now with some kinda cold and my head hurts. I will still go to R.I. tonight though cuz I am taking a class that only lasts for 5 weeks.
This weekend is the grand opening at the church. I hope and pray I am feeling better for it cuz either way we are going. My husband will be doing touch up at the church all week so we won't be seeing much of Him. It's all worth it though cuz God is really wooing Him right now and He is using the relocation of the church in a huge way to minister to him.
I need to go lay down for a bit cuz I'm really not feeling well. I have lots to blog but it's gonna have to wait.

October Verse

As you therefore have recieved Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith, as you have been taught, abounding in it with thanksgiving. ~ Colossians 2:6,7

Offline

I am not sure of the next time I will be blogging. My computer is not working.
So, until next time.....

Eternal Love

Last night took me back to what matters most...Love.
How quickly I forget this. The busyness and routine of daily life can so easily side track me and before I know it I am just going through the motions.
Or so I thought!
What if, instead I start believing the little lies of the enemy and the surrounding circumstances and before I know it I am just going through the motions? The motions of unbelief. And when I stop believing, I stop living. But today God is showing me that it's because of His love I can believe.
Because of love I am alive.
It's love that makes me who I am.
And it's love that understands.
Because love knows no bounds.
And it doesn't come and go.
Love is eternal...And it's because of His love for me that I can now live.

Thank you God for your love. Take me deeper in your love for me!

Come Forth

Living in a dark, gray world, trying to find your way around, You can't see cuz it's to dark. So dark...your soul cry's out a shrilling scream that awakens the depths within. You think your going crazy but then you see your reflection staring back at you from the black shadows lingering on the walls.
The walls, brick by brick, prick by prick you put them there, all though in your minds eye it was they who made you what you are today. Just a dirty city girl looking for love in all the wrong places but not so wrong to the world around you.
Step by step, chance by chance you feel yourself slipping away. How long can you keep playing the harlot? One day your sure to get caught because life eventually catches up with you and before you know it time is standing still, the world ain't so big any more and the little girl in you says in a very faint whisper. Can I have another chance?
Alone in the still, quiet dark of the night you wait as if something or someone will come to your rescue knowing full well that your better off dead.
You close your eyes and imagine just for a moment how life could have been, how it should have been and how it wasn't. The strong winds of this world have knocked you down and now your on your last breath and suddenly you see a light amidst your darkness and you wonder why now after all these years...And you hear the words,
"For you are not dead but alive in Christ. Come forth, the time is Now!"

Just Because

I have been doing a lot of thinking with a lot of crying last night and today. I wonder what I am doing with my life...
I have been living life like everything is hard. Everything is a burden. Everything is dull and boring. Frustrating and complicated, difficult. And I don't want to live that way anymore. Why am I so afraid to just be. To live the life God has given me. There's a whole world that He created for my enjoyment. People, God created people and I am not even enjoying them. How am I ever gonna get any farther with my life living it the way I've been living it. Jesus is alive and I been living like He's still dead. Why do I beat myself up when He is saying I am good? I do that with other's too. God gave me breath. He gave me another day to live it to the fullest. But I'm not. Instead I settle for this and that. For whatever comes my way whether I like it or not. I take what life gives me and when I have a choice to make I take the one I think God wants me to make which always somehow ends up being the more spiritual one. Everything is a have to. Why can't it ever be a just because I want to just because!
Just because He loves me.
Just because He created me.
Just because I am.
Just because I can.
Just because I'm me.

Consuming Fire

There must be more than this, oh breath of God come breath within
There must be more than this, Spirit of God we wait for you
Fill us anew we pray
Fill us anew we pray

Consuming Fire, Fan into flame, a passion for your name, Spirit of God
fall in this place, Lord have ur way, Lord have ur way
with us

Come like a rushing wind, Fill us with power from on high
Now set the captives free, leave us abandoned to your praise
Lord let your glory fall
Lord let your glory fall

Artist: Tim Hughes

Getting Ready to Emerge

I think I am at some kinda stand still right now, a crossroads. I see what's behind, I see what's to come, I see what is now and I am not moving because of fear, lack of confidence and insecurities. These mindsets come from a lack of trust in God. They will prevent me from entering into the fullness of Christ, the promises He has for me, the abundant living.
I have been praying for God to show me the way and with that He is reminding me that "I am the way, the truth, and the life" I am gonna have to say goodbye to the old way of doing things. I have already started but I am not giving Him my all. I think the hardest part in all this is letting go of dead relationships and starting new ones.
I don't want to just be going through the motions anymore but I wanna truly and freely live the life that Christ died to give me. To take up my own cross and die to self. But not just to stay at the cross like so many of us are taught to do but to emerge by the power of the cross into a beautiful butterfly.

Living in His Glory

This is a prayer I prayed this morning to my Lord and Savior.
Lord, if your glory is already here and your presence goes before me then I pray, show me your glory. I am ready for you to sweep me off my feet!...

With that the Lord is showing me that living in His glory is not about following a bunch of rules and regulations. But it's about abiding in Him, denying the flesh and trusting in Him only. I believe He is showing me the way I abide in Him is by denying the flesh and I deny the flesh by trusting in Him. My mind is already saying this is gonna be difficult but I hear Him saying "nothing is to difficult for those who trust in, lean on and rely on the Lord. I am with you every step of the way. Follow after me and you will bear much fruit. Stay connected to the vine and your leaf will not wither or fade and the Glory of the Lord will be upon you in all your goings and comings, while awake and while asleep. I am watching over you..."

I can only imagine what it would be like to be rooted and grounded in His love. How glorious that would be and I am asking Him to do this in me. That I would not be swayed by every thought and doctrine that comes my way but that I would remain in His truth and spirit for He alone is all knowing, all loving and all I need.

Prayer

I am sorry God but tonight I am not feeling very sure of myself. I know, how selfish of me after all You have shown me of who You are and who I am in Christ. I just did not expect to feel this way. Well, therein lies my problem. I can't put expectations on how I think people should be. There not perfect, even though they act like it in there own little way. My expectation should be in you and your word. I am not sure I can do what your calling me to do.
This is gonna be hard and...oh please help me through this. I desire to do your will more then anything. I wanna live for you. Not myself or man but you Lord is what I desire. Strengthen me and give me a spirit of wisdom and revelation during these next 3 weeks. I don't belong here Lord at least that's how I feel. And yet they treated your son like this too huh? I don't even want to be here but not my will may yours be done. Help me to see through the eye's of grace. Help me to do your will and not what everyone else thinks I should be doing with my life. Help me to keep being real. To be who you created me to be even when other's are still wearing masks...and humble me Lord to see myself as you see me, no better and no less.
In your name.

The Royal Decree

"And you shall love the Lord your God out of and with your whole heart and out of and with all your soul(your life) and out of and with all your mind(with your faculty of thought and your moral understanding) and out of and with all your strength. This is the first and principal commandment. The second is like it and is this, you shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater then these." ~ Mark 12:30-31

I have had this title for a blog post in the back of my mind for awhile now. I seem to come up with a lot of titles but never the words. I started to write the titles down when I realized who was giving them to me. In His time He shows me what to write and when. So this title came to mind again and I asked God but what is your royal decree? And He gave me the verse above.
The royal decree is love...
I could just ponder on this all day. For what I always thought was a have to has now become the law of grace. We love because He first loved us. Yes, this is the royal decree for His daughters to declare His love to ONE and all.

A New Thing

It is so crazy how much I have grown this past year. So I thought I would recap all that the Lord has done in my life this past season

~ Learned and had revelation of my identity in Christ.

~ Received the baptism of the Holy Spirit

~ Learned I have a purpose and a calling on my life

~ Learned to hear God's voice and follow Him

~ Gave my husband and kids to the Lord

~ Freed from fear

~ Learned the Holy Spirit does not live in a box

~ Learned where the spirit of the Lord is there is freedom

~ Learned that following God requires sacrifice

~ Learned that God's word is literally alive and active in me

~ Learned that the presence of the Lord is all around me

~ Learned that the kingdom of God is within me

~ My life now has meaning

~ Learned that the christian life is one, big exciting adventure

~ Learned how real God's everlasting, steadfast love is

~ Learned that there is no accuser of the brethren and I have been set free from outcast thinking

~ My chains have fallen off

~ Learned that I don't have to live a dull life, there is no dull life in Christ

~ Learned that God is always on the move

~ Learned that it's all about Him

~ Learned how to live in the victory that I have in Christ Jesus

~ Learned how to pray

~ Learned that I am anointed

~ Learned to believe in, trust and rely on the Lord

~ Learned that He cares about the everyday routine details in my life

~ Learned that He is so good

~ Learned of His mercy and grace

~ Learned that worship comes from the heart

~ Learned that I am in a blood covenant relationship

~ Learned that He is committed to me

~ Learned that not only does He forgive me of my past sins but my future sins as well

~ Learned I am free, new, made whole and pure in Christ

~ Learned that I am His daughter and He is my Father

~ Learned He is holding me and will not let go

~ Learned He keeps His promises

~ Learned the more I seek Him, the more I find Him

~ Learned that the christian life is hard but it's worth it

~ Learned the refiners fire does not feel good

~ Learned that beauty starts with the heart

~ Learned that being a girl is a beautiful thing

~ Learned that not everything some of the church says is true about who God is

~ Learned in order to love others with a genuine love then I need to first know how much I am loved

~ Learned there is no other love like the love of the Father

Isaiah 43:18,19
Do not remember the former things; neither consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs forth; do you not perceive and no it and will you not give heed to it? I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

Believing God Study

Wow! I am finally done with Believing God. We will finish tonight with watching the session 10 video. This has been a loooong study.(We started last fall, I think)
The concept of believing God is life changing. It changed my mindset and started me on the course of who I am in Christ. I now know that I know that God's word is really and truly the living word. I recommend that every child of God do this study.

New Wine

"I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in Him, bears much fruit..." ~ John 15:5

The other night, the Lord showed me a picture of a tree that had purple grapes on it. The grapes signify new--new wine and new oil. Purple is the color of royalty--my identity. This means I will start to bear this fruit in my life as I abide in Him. I love the color purple and can't wait to see the beauty unfold in this new season.

A New Season

And he shall be like a tree firmly planted by the streams of water, ready to bring forth it's fruit in it's season; It's leaf also shall not fade or wither; and everything he does shall prosper ~ Psalm 1:3

A new season is upon us. Old things have truly passed away. Psalm 1:3 is the verse that God is giving me for this new season. This will be the year of new beginnings. Everything in my life will be new and now I shall watch it spring forth.

Notes - Graham Cooke Conference

Friday night I came home with 8 pages of notes I had written in my lil' notebook. The speaker was Graham Cooke. This is his website.

~ The story of Lazarus(John 11)-Get rid of religious grave clothing and be the people of God.

~ God is changing mindsets and releasing our identity in Christ. We are moving away from dullness and mediocrity.

~ God is happy with me right now.

~ Other's need to know the hope

~ When we get(God shows us) negative information about someone it's for us to know how much grace and hope they need.

~ You can't fail any of the tests God gives you. You just get to take it again and again and again until you pass.

~ God never writes you off. He just gives you another opportunity.

~ God is byast toward us

~ Learn about rest. You gotta push away things that cause unrest. You got better things to do.

~ When God points something out in your life that is not working, He's showing you your next freedom.

~ Accountability is about pointing out people's destiny, not what's wrong.

~ The world and some of the church has made us more negative then were made out to be.

~ We don't see what's wrong about people but the best about people.

~ He makes you fall in love with His own beauty and when you do you find your own.(I love this quote!)

~ We must become a prophetic people. Jer. 29:11

~ Phillipians 3 - Present past people-those that allow there past to come into there future. We need to forget what lies behind and move forward.

~ Present future people-those that move forward and forget what lies behind.

~ Don't sit in baggage claim. God gots your ticket with your name on it!

~ You gotta start thinking of yourself the way God thinks of you. He's your designer.

~ A warrior is an encourager.

~ Mark 4:35-Get out of the boat and go to the other side, where Jesus is going.

~ Don't make anxiety a virtue.

~ Anxiety and trust can't exist in the same space in the same time. One of them gots to go and you get to choose!(Good one)

~ You can't grow in faith unless you have a problem. You need problems so you can increase your faith.

~ There is a way of looking at life through the eyes of God that makes us succeed.

~ Every problem comes with a provision attached to it. You learn to stand in the problem on the promise looking for the provision!

~ Be overwhelmed in the goodness of God

~ New mindsets-there is no gift of suspicion.

~ God is positive about you

~ Align my thinking to the Lord's.

~ God will turn every curse into a blessing.

~ God is getting a hold of us in new ways. We gotta get a hold of Him in new ways.

~ We have been so conditioned by the negative

~ If I don't understand I just need to say I trust You.

~ Whatever you lack God intends to provide as part of your journey.

~ Learn to live a lifestyle of celebration

~ Rejoice always, pray and give thanks. This is God's will

~ We enter His presence with thanksgiving

~ Don't pray out of guilt or anxiety. It's through thanksgiving.

~ Your heart must be in a certain posture. We give thanks until we become thanks.

~ It's in your DNA to magnify. You will magnify the problem or the Lord. But you will magnify.

~ A life of celebration magnifies the Lord

~ Joy is the permanent environment of heaven.

~ Somewhere along the way we've lost living in the good news. Maybe we live in the mediocre news.

~ Rejoicing puts you in the throne room. Joy is who He is.

~ Jesus came to put a face on God. We are here to put a face on Christ.

~ The lack of thanks has a damaging effect on our lifestyle

~ There is nothing you can do to make God love you more or less.

~ When your having a bad day with God He's never having a bad day with you!

~ Get out of this religious mind set and find out what God is like.

~ There is only one way to live this life with God and that is joyful

~ It's time for us to be restored to the joy of our salvation

Sweet Worship

Worship was so awesome last night! We sang "Majesty" and "Everything". I couldn't beleive it. Those are the two songs on the worship cd Joe just got that I have been listening to over and over again the last couple days. God totally prepared me for this night. He is so amazing! He is so faithful to His children. My new favorite song is "I am free" by Newsboys. I gotta get that cd now. That's the first song we sang. People were jumping up and down singing I am free...It was so cool.

Lift Up Your Heads

Psalm 3:3 says, "But you, O Lord, are a shield for me, my glory, and the lifter of my head" In Genesis 13:14 God tells Abraham to lift up his eyes and look all around him for He was giving him all the land that He could see for His inheritance.

The Lord is showing me this morning that as sons and daughters of the King, we are not to walk around in life with our heads bowed low. For when we do we will miss our inheritance that the King has and wants to give us. A daughter of the King walks this life with her head lifted up and see's the glory of the Lord all around her. As she worships at His feet and fixes her eye's on the Holy one she positions herself to receive her inheritance of the Lord.

"Lift up your heads, O you gates; and be lifted up, you age abiding doors, that the King of Glory may come in" ~ Psalm 24:7

His Love and Power

Last night my husband helped paint a house and then had margaritas with a couple guy's from the church. The couple gave Joe a Calvary worship cd. I was so touched by this. God knows how much I am loving to worship Him. The cd has some good songs on it including my favorites "If You Say Go" "Majesty" and "Everything" with Reynolds leading the worship. I miss this worship...
This is when I realized how far I have come. There's no more striving to stay at church. I know that I know I am home. So many times I wanted to give up and give in to other church's ways. It has been really hard for me to stay but I never heard Him say go and that's what kept me in the end.
It was around December of last year when God revealed to me that He wanted my children to grow up under calvary's bible teaching. And that my husband still needed to be there. I had all these buts. But this, but that and then--but what about me? That's when He provided Royal Identity for me.
I am coming up to the one year mark of heart transformation. I am overwhelmed at the power and the love of God. Forever I am changed by it. Forever I am His. For I have been set FREE!!

The Promise of Rest

I just got finished reading Hebrews 4. Something that I never saw before is that this chapter has a theme of rest. I never new that we actually had the promise of rest.(Heb.4:1) Therefore, the Lord is showing me that in the promised land you find rest. This is a place of belief. It's where my mind and emotions aren't just wandering in the wilderness and going in circles. There's no rest in that. Only discontentment, distrust and disobedience. Just like the Isrealites wandered for 40 years due to there unbelief, I ask myself, am I too wandering long because of my unbelief?
It's such a simple concept and yet it takes diligence and perseverance to enter His promise of rest.(Heb.4:11)
I also have the promise of His word being alive and active in me.(Heb.4:12) And the promise to recieve mercy and find grace when I come boldly before His throne.(Heb.4:16) It's intresting that in these two verses one can find rest but first one must believe. May I continue to trust in and believe God not only for the little things but also the big. God is so big, so strong and so mighty...there's nothing to hard for Him.

My Husband

My husband has been working at the new church building for the past month or so. Saturday He came home with two hundred dollars that God gave Him. I couldn't believe it. God just replaced the two hundred we lost for this month and is ministering to him through a couple of guys. I can't wait to see how else God is gonna work in his life through the church's relocation.

Fall - In Him

Gosh, I can't believe we are already in September. I am looking forward to falling more in love with Jesus. Being the apple of His eye and Him harvesting an abundance of fruit in my life, and my family's life's as well as the church I attend. I want to walk in the gentle breeze of the Holy Spirit's presence. It's Him who makes my steps fall into place as He leads the way.

Prayer: God, how awesome you are to me! I wanna fall face down as your glory shines around. All that I have is Yours and I thank you for giving me life. Help me to live it freely in Christ's love for me. Open up my heart and my life. Increase my capacity to hold even more love, more power, more of You in my life and less of me.
In Jesus' precious Holy name.

September Verse

My soul waits in silence for God ~ Psalm 62:1

Getting Ready!

Today I can see how far I have come from who I once was to who I am now. Who would have thought how great the power and love of God is. When He gets a hold of your heart and you make that choice to surrender everything changes. It is so amazing. He is so amazing!
The other day the Lord showed me to go no mail on a couple egroups I am on. He said He needs my full attention these next few weeks. There's a lot of little changes that are gonna happen in my life starting in September but changes that I believe are gonna bring more transformation.

1. Just walk across the room will start soon. This is a huge step for me. I wasn't even used to lifegroup yet and now I will go to a small group that I know nothing about for four weeks.

2. I will be attending a 2 day conference at another church. This is another huge step for me.

3. R.I will relaunch.

4. I will finish believing God and wait to see where God leads me.

5. We will be moving for a couple weeks into a hotel while the builders redo some sheetrock. I am not exactly sure when this will happen but I know it will be soon.

6. I feel like while we are gone the Lord might have me go see my family in S.A. This is gonna be a huge step for me. But I could already see Him preparing my heart for this. This would only be a quick visit of hopefully reconciliation.

There is also a couple more things that will happen. These are all things that will bring change. There also things that can't happen unless I walk through these doors of opportunity. Where He goes I wanna go. I desire to follow Him even if I am afraid. Like Moses and Joshua He will also be with me as I take these next steps to cross over into the new that He has for me.

I am Angry

Get rid of all bitterness,rage, and anger,brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you. ~ Ephesians 4:31-32


So, I have been asking God to show me His mercy and grace so that I would have compassion on others no matter what they say or do to hurt me. With this He is showing me that I have anger and rage from past hurts which is effecting my present. If someone says or does something to me now that was said or done to me growing up then I immediately get offended or irritated.
And this is what He wants me to give to Him. All the control and accusations done to me as a child, a teen, and young adult. There's just so much there that I have been carrying with me but it can't go where the Lord is wanting to take me...Deeper in His love.

Quote

By grace, Jesus Christ has invited us into His royal court. He has offered to dress us in the finest garments. He has called us to share His glory. He has summoned us to be women of excellence. He has chosen us to be sanctified and glorified princesses--daughters of the King. ~ Priscilla Shirer

Identity Theft

My sister came to my mind this morning. She is still locked up with her next court date in October. The attorney says she should get out right before Christmas. Her daughter started Kindergarten this week. So much time is passing by...
I cry for her. The pain and the hopelessness she feels. The guilt and the shame of never being good enough. I guess I'm seeing that you really do act out what you feel and what you believe about yourself. Her not good enough feelings have taken her to a place that society totally says is not good enough. Thousands upon thousands of people are living life like this. Imprisoned by there own insecurities and being held captive to words of death and wrong actions that the enemy has used to destroy them. He seeks to steal, kill and destroy our identity and hold us in bondage to what we were, where we've been, or what we've become and not what we could be.
I like what Elastigirl said in the movie The Incredible's,"Your identity is your most valuable possession, protect it and if anything goes wrong use your powers"
I think there's some truth to this. The truth is my identity in Christ is my most valuable possession. It takes me to who I once was to who I can become. I also have to protect it. There is a spiritual battle going on and I am constantly having to fight by the renewing of my mind through His word. I also have powers. I have the power of the Holy Spirit living inside of me. Clothed in the armor of God I release seeds of love, joy and peace.
I am not exactly there yet. But I am headed that way. Because I am taking back what the enemy has stolen. What about you?

He Believe's in Me

Wow! God is so good to me. He continually woos me with His awesomeness. I started working in Believing God today. This means I won't be finished with it by tomorrow night when the group meets again. But amazingly I read a quote in day 1 and day 2 today that goes along with what I wrote yesterday. Beth writes: "Even when I've missed the mark of sound application, I've sensed Him saying Your on the right track, child. Stay after it! Keep practicing belief, and you'll learn more and more about My desires as you go"
And in day 1 she says,"I ache for the body of Christ in our generation to learn how to tarry before God and expectantly wait for Him to speak. I'm desperate to learn it for myself. If we did, what revelation we would receive! We cannot have a drive-thru relationship with God and expect to behold His glory. Joshua didn't get a to-go order of God. He dined with Him for days."

Prayer:Your words are so sweet to me Father. And I rest in your faithfulness. Your love and Your beauty surrounds me even when I don't feel so lovely. Shower me in Your mercy and your grace. You are lovely. In your precious name.

Waiting In Him

I just finished listening to Sundays message. I am so glad I did too. There's so much the Lord has been speaking to me these last couple days.
Sundays message went right along with it. I have had some fear and doubt come up in me this past week but today is a new day and without a doubt I know I am on the right track. Waiting is part of the journey and I definitely want to wait upon the Lord until He says go. He recently showed me that I have a problem with wanting to get ahead of God. I am so eager to see what's behind door number 2 and 3 but He is wanting me to wait right in His loving arms and savor the moments with Him.
If I have learned anything these past several months it's that I don't have to do anything except believe and that's a battle in the mind. As I seek Him and His righteousness everything else just falls into place cuz He orchestrates it all. As I give Him all of me I get more of Him. And it's Him that enables me to fulfill my purpose on this earth. It's Him that enables me to love. It's Him that enables me to walk in my destiny. Dipped in His blood and soaking in His living waters, it's Him that I want to be manifested in my life and that, I believe, takes waiting upon the Lord.

Prayer: God help me to wait upon you for everything. I want you to establish my steps. Thank you for giving me the strength to wait and obey you. Your timing is just right. I love you!

Blessed Sunday

The Lord gave me three gifts yesterday.

First, I met a lady at church. I knew her from a local online group but got to meet her in person. God totally hooked us up.
Second, a friend found Rita Springer in the churches bookstore. I was so excited and got to purchase a cd. Her music is awesome!
Third, I found Just walk across the room at Half Price. What are the odds of that but that He put it there for me.

Thank You Daddy God!

Poem

Chapter One

I walk down the street
There's a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in
I am lost and I am helpless
It's not my fault
It takes a long time to get out

Chapter Two

I walk down the same street
There's a deep hole in the sidewalk
I pretend I don't see it
I fall in
I can't believe I am in the same place but
It's not my fault
It takes a long time to get out

Chapter Three

I walk down the same street
There's a deep hole in the sidewalk
I see it there
I fall in
It's a habit, my eyes are open
I know where I am
It's my fault
I get out immediately

Chapter Four

I walk down the same street
There's a deep hole in the sidewalk
I walk around it

Chapter Five

I walk down another street.

Author Portia Nelson

Consuming Fire

I am not doing good right now. I am in the fight of my life. It's not just the money it's every part of my life. My heart is ablaze in the refiners fire and I want so badly to stop, drop, and roll. The flames are becoming to high and yet I know these ones will take me higher in Him and I shall come out as gold and on fire for Jesus.
I have been listening to Facedown all morning now and my word for the day is Psalm 3:3-4 "But You, O Lord, are a shield for me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. With my voice I cry to the Lord, and He hears and answers me out of His holy hill. Selah [pause and calmly think of that]!"
This is so painful but I know He loves me and I have to believe in the King of Glory. He has prepared me for such a time as this and I am His warrior princess. I will endure to the very end counting it all joy while developing perseverance. Because perseverance must finish it's work so that I may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. Even in trials and tribulations God is so good to me!
He gets sweeter and sweeter as the days go by...and I keep falling in love with Him...

My Carrier

Someone actually gave me the vision of me carrying the bags. She said that she saw me holding a lot of bags, like groceries and there's a door in front of me that I am trying to open while holding on to the bags. The door won't open, the bags are getting heavy and I am getting tired. Jesus is standing in between me and the door.
Saying give me the bags. The door won't open cuz I got to give Him the load and go through Him first.
So I was in an attitude of worship a while ago and I saw myself holding the bags. I saw that one bag was broke and the stuff spilled all over the floor.(finances) I was holding my head down cuz I was ashamed to give them to Him.
I prayed that He would just take the bags from me, that He can have them. And He said "Not only will I carry your bags but I will carry you too" I saw Him holding me saying "Come away with Me My love".

Frustration

I have been very frustrated with my kids lately. I haven't been able to handle them the last few weeks and it's been very difficult for me. I think the enemy knows where I lack and that I don't feel so much as a warrior when it comes to being a wife and a mom. Earlier I was on my way to having a pity party. Feelings of worthlessness and despair came over me. I cried out to God. What's wrong with me? "This is one of your loads" He said. What do you want me to do? "Praise Me" So I did and this is what happened...
The Lord took me to the Lord's prayer. I looked it up in my daughters bible since I didn't want to go down stairs to get mine. Well, I don't know the passage by heart so after I found it I ran down stairs to look it up in the amplified thinking it was Matthew 11. It wasn't. But God is so good cuz that's exactly where He wanted me to go. A verse catches my eye and I turn the page to see if Joyce Meyer talks more about it and I see a short article she wrote entitled Lighten Your Load. I find the verse the article talks about and I begin to read from Matthew 11:28-30"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest.[I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.] Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle(meek) and humble(lowly) in heart, and you will find rest(relief and ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet)for your souls. For My yoke is wholesome(useful,good-not harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing, but comfortable, gracious, and pleasant), and My burden is light and easy to be borne."
I reread it and after about the third time I saw that I am not to be harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing but I am to be comfortable, gracious, and pleasant toward my kids just as He is with me. It also says My burden is light and easy to be borne. I looked up borne in the dictionary and that led me to bear. I saw that Jesus died to bear my frustrations with everyday life. His compassion overwhelmed me and I saw how much He loved and cared that I was frustrated and wanted to take it from me.

Grocery Bags Are Full

Yesterday the Lord showed me that I am carrying heavy loads. Like when we carry groceries from the car to the house I have my hands full. And Jesus is asking me to give Him the bags. He wants to carry them for me. I wasn't exactly aware of this until yesterday, all I know is I have been very frustrated lately.
So I ask Him what's in the bags? And He tells me "responsibility's" He showed me the bags are full with the responsibility's of cooking, cleaning, homeschooling, finances, being a mom and a wife. I told Him I don't know how to give those to You. You will have to show me how. He said "I want to take your responsibility's and wash them clean" I did not understand then what He is showing me now and I will blog it in another post.
Late at night, when the family is sound asleep and I am coming home from the store I carry as many bags as I can to avoid making a lot of trips. Now I forever have the grocery picture etched on my mind as a reminder to let Him carry my bags for me.

CrAzY For Christ

This post is inspired by my crazy friend Ange.

I have a cofession to make. I am crazy. Yep. You heard that right. I have some pretty crazy friends as well. And everyday that passes by I find myself becoming crazier and crazier.
Upon looking up the word crazy in the dictionary, I found that it means infected with madness..possessed by enthusiasm or excitment...intensley involved or preoccupied.
It's kinda funny but this describes me exactly. I am not talking about the kind of crazy that lands you in the mental hospital (all though I have those days to)
I am talking about being crazy for God for He is madly in love with us. And if being totally involved and preoccupied with Him and His word and living it out day by day no matter what that may look like to others makes me crazy. Then your right. I am crazy. And together we crazys make a crazy quilt wich is a patchwork quilt of pieces of cloth of various shapes, colors and sizes. Call me crazy but call me Crazy for Christ.

Guest Blogger: Angelina

Lately I have been struggling with the fact that God is not human. Like when we walk with God and often we can hear Him calling us closer to Himself. And instead of walking nearer to Him we demand that He come closer to us. It’s true that Jesus always meets us where we are, but where we get caught in that fact is when we try to stay there. And once Jesus meets us there, He never intends to keep us there. So what does that struggle look like on a personal level? This is mine:

I ask God to meet me and then when He draws so near I have the most difficult time allowing His unfailing love to embrace the ugliness of my flaws and the desperateness of my sin. At times I think I’ve gone too far, stayed away too long or fell too many times to have Him love me just the way He did when I thought I was beautiful and His love was okay. Sometimes the world whispers, “Don’t believe that kind of unconditional love”, and I listen. I struggle with the fact that God is not human because I try so hard to humanize Him. I resolve that God must think and process the same way I do because I become discouraged and then decide that God is not able. It’s when He reminds me that I am the one who is not able and I am the one who has carried a disbelief that He has never meant for me to carry that I step back from my world. I take in a deep breathe of God’s love and open my eyes to who He really is again. I have a habit of trying to bring Him down to my level. Old habits die hard and He wants to kill this one for sure. I am sharing this because I don’t think that I am the only human who does this. And if I’m not I wanted you to remember, just like I need to, that our Daddy loves us at all times, and He loves us too much to keep us where we are and there is not one time over another where we are more or less beautiful. We are beautiful always.

Copyrighted © 2007 by Angelina Gutierrez

Oasis

Well, a lot has been happening with me these past few weeks. I don't even know where to begin. I have been seeking Him and asking for more of Him and less of me. What He has given me is a ton of revelation. So much so that it has been hard for me to put into words. I believe as I write that the Lord is getting ready to move me into the new. He has been tending to my garden, working on my heart. Pulling up dead weeds that have been very painful. But Oh how His hands have been so gentle, so loving and so very faithful during this process of reconciliation. His living water soothing to my weary soul has been a refreshing drink to the dry cracks in my heart. Just a little more sifting and then the new will spring forth in living color and I shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water that brings forth it's fruit in it's season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper.(Ps.1:3)
Wow! This is the spiritual oasis the Lord has been talking to me about lately and I praise His holy name!

Mud Pit

I wonder if that book by Lisa Beavere entitled Fight like a Girl would tell me more about being a warrior princess. The last couple weeks have found me slowly sinking in the mud. Covered in dirt and not able to see my way out have brought feelings of defeat and despair. Lies of the enemy whisper in my ear. Different words but all mean the same thing. Never, can't, won't, give up...The spirit indeed is willing but the flesh is weak.(Mark 14:38) Alas, I cry out to God and He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;He set my feet on a rock and gave me a place to stand.Psalm 40:2

August Verse

Not even a sparrow, worth only half a penny, can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it...So don't be afraid;you are more valuable to him than a whole flock of sparrows. ~ Matthew 10:29,31

Will You Love Me?

"I am making all things new" is what the Lord showed me in the beginning of the year.
But, sometimes it could be really difficult to give up the old in order to make room for the new. With each step I take it seems to get harder and harder and I find myself having to push more, stand still more, press into Him more, and rely more on Him. To switch from a me focus, a them focus, a what about her and him focus to a focus only on Him. He really and truly is all I need. My Father is asking for more but I don't want to fully give and for the first time I am asking Him, will you love me that much if I give you all I have? And He says to me "all you have I have given you, it's you I am asking for". What about when the rain falls and I slip and slide in the mud will you love me then? "I will do more then you can fathom. I will wash you clean in the river of life and put a crown on your head. The question isn't will I love you child, but the question is will YOU love me??

Will The Real Me Please Stand Up?

I have called you by name, you are mine says the Lord.
I have never liked my name. In school I was always embarrassed to have to say it in front of the class. My name was different, weird, unheard of. My step dad would call me Athen, my mom thena, and my aunt came up with thenie weenie. My wannabe gangsta name was LaTina and my husband calls me tina. But now that it's all said and done I like my name. My name is Athena Marie and I never saw the beauty in it till now.
Athena means goddess of wisdom. And the meaning of Marie "is not known for certain, but there are several theories including "sea of bitterness", "rebelliousness", and "wished for child". However it was most likely originally an Egyptian name, perhaps derived in part from my "beloved" or my "love"."
Maybe my first name should have been Marie. Bitter-sweet is how my life has played out exactly. The bitterness of childhood disappointments found me rebellious in my teens and my mom wished for her child to come home. I never really did go back home for there was no 'home' to go home to. And after many more disappointments, somewhere along the way I found my true love. It is he who calls me by my real name. I am His beloved. "He has taken me to the banquet hall and His banner over me is love"~Sgs.2:4 This is home sweet home, my dwelling place.

One thing I have desired of the Lord, that will I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in His temple.~ Psalm 27:4

Royal Identity

I caught the Esther anointing!
Esther's story is no fairy tale and it's not just some childhood bible story. It's real life. Royal identity is not just a name for a women's ministry but it's a title. A title to be worn with my head held high in honor of the King and dignity in my steps. Royal Identity is you, it's me and it's every son or daughter of the King. Because Royal Identity is who we are in Christ. This changes everything. No longer am I on the outside looking in but I am now on the inside looking out. I see a whole world out there and it's mine for the taking. I got things to do, places to go and people to see.

For Such A Time As This

I am learning that there comes a time in a girls life where she has to set aside all that is and isn't and engage only in the Lord. A time to find all she is and isn't only in the Lord. A time to find her true self only in the Lord. A time to go deeper in His love. To find her true strength and soar.
And for me that time is now. A time to behold His beauty and see my reflection in His face. To see my name etched on the palm of His hand. To see Him extend His scepter and grant my every wish.
Time seems to stand still as He awaits to be with me.
As He awaits to hold me close and whisper sweet things in my ear.
With one stroke of His hand He can take away the dust and impurities revealing the true beauty within. A beauty made for such a time as this.

Looking Back

Sep. 27, 2006

My Perspective is Changing

I just love it when the Lord speaks. And lately He has been revealing alot to me. My mind is just spinning with all kinds of things.
I'm going thru something spiritual right now and my whole perspective on life is changing. I am seeing things in a different light....The other morning when I woke up I heard the words live a radical life. I still need to study on that somemore, but whatever it is I know my Father is calling me. And I am determined to follow.

Dec. 21, 2006

My Tea Cup

Everyone brought a tea cup to the Christmas tea. We tied our names on them and drew a number that coresponded with a tea cup that had the same number. I got number 11. The idea is to pray for the lady who's name is on the tea cup, being reminded to pray for her everytime you use it. I'll admit, I was disapointed with the tea cup I got cuz it is all white. I thought, how plain and boring it looks. I was really hoping for a more girlie looking one. You know with pinks and flowers. Stuff like that. But, the Lord quickly spoke to my heart saying "Child, this is my cup for you. You got the one I want you to have. This is you. How your sins are as white as snow. You are the bride of Christ and the bride wore white. You are a new creature in Christ."

Dec. 27, 2006

The Beauty of a Girl

Oh, how far I have come from being a girl. A women of God. What is that exactly? If they say that beauty runs deep within, then how far do I have to go to get to it? And where the heck is deep? The past runs deep. Is that where I will find the beauty of a girl that was created to shine? Buried underneath all that rubble. Thrown away like trash forgotten and crumbled.

But wait! If one man's trash is another man's treasure. Then the Lord is that man and I am His treasure! To walk like I am His, To talk like I am His, To embrace His loving arms, To know who I am in Christ, and To see His beauty shine thru and thru is to know that I am loved, I am accepted and I am becoming a girl, a women of God.

Measure of Beauty

I See You

Speechless, I am taken back to the night I gave myself away to the Lord...I remember sitting there among many women and yet feeling so alone and not noticed. "He notices you" was a word spoken over me a few weeks later. I did not understand then what He is revealing to me now. Thoughts and feelings that I never knew existed. Thoughts and feelings that I can't deny now cuz He's got a hold of my heart and He won't let go. He won't let go...He loves us that much.
Growing up I felt like God wasn't for me. I didn't feel like He was against me either. He was just disappointed with me. As my world got darker and darker His light became dimer and dimer. And yet I knew He was always there. Watching and waiting for me to come to Him and let Him love me with an everlasting, unconditional, true love that only He can give.
But God wasn't for me. He was for everyone else in the church but not me. I had defiled my body and my mind. I felt so dirty. Clothed in filthy rags and thrown away like trash left for dead in a dark alley somewhere where no one cares. They don't even notice you.
"But I notice" He says. "I see you trembling in the night. Where it's so cold your heart is of stone, your body like ice so you can't feel a thing. I see you crying and yet you can't feel the pain as your tears drift from a rocky river where the current is so fast you don't even know what hits you. I see you hurting even though you try to deny it. I see that you have sealed those scars so tight that you don't even know they are there. Scars left unopened but remain the same until I come and pour my healing balm on them. Will you let me? Will you let me seal the scars with my kiss?"
Me? Me. He wants me are the words that played in my mind the night I gave myself to Him. Those are the words I say today as well.
"I see something else" He says to me "I see your Beauty"

O my love, how beautiful you are!
There is no flaw in you!
Song of Solomon 5:7

I will not leave you as orphans
[comfortless,desolate,bereaved,forlorn,helpless]
I will come [back] to you.
John 14:18

That He might present the church
to Himself in glorious splendor, with out spot
or wrinkle or any such things
[that she might be holy and faultless].
Ephesians 5:27

We Are The Reason

I am in some kinda spiritual transition. I don't even know what that means exactly but I feel it. Picture a snake shedding its skin. A caterpillar emerging from it's cocoon. A baby bird learning to fly. I feel like my heart is being ripped out and reshaped. Actually it is. Sometimes it's painful and sometimes bitter-sweet.
As I give Him all of me, I get more of Him. Do you know what it is He wants from us? I can totally see now that it's my heart, it's me. This makes sense to me since I am His creation. It's like that song "We are the Reason" says,
"I've finally found a reason for living
It's in giving every part of my heart to Him
In all that I do every word that I say
I'll be giving my all just for Him" Today my heart knows that,
"We are the reason that He gave His life
We are the reason that He suffered and died
To a world that was lost He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live
HE IS MY REASON TO LIVE!"

Prayer

Lord, I thank you for this day. And for the many saints that are heeding your call.
May I walk in your presence as it goes before me, behind me and on every side of me yielding to the Holy Spirits direction. As I end my time with you and embrace the 'new' that you have for me let me not be persuaded to follow deceiving spirits that are hidden in the night. But may your light of Glory shine brightly and your word be etched on my heart lighting the path for my feet. You are my Shepard and I long to follow you to the unknown whatever that may be. Reestablish your covenant with Your bride young and old. Pour out Your spiritual rain and let the river of Life flow in and through me and my children. You are my commander in Chief. I cast off every sin that so easily entices me and put on the full armor of God that I may stand in the battle set before me not by might nor by power but by Your Spirit. May Your kingdom come and Your will be done on earth as in heaven.
In Jesus name
Amen

Daddy God

A baby is a beautiful thing.
I was just thinking of how a mother-baby relationship is similar to a relationship between Daddy God and His daughters.
By instinct a mom nourishes, protects, nurtures, and is filled with overwhelming love for her baby. Daddy God nourishes me as I feed on His word. He protects me. He is my shield(Gen.15:1)He takes care of me and loves me with an everlasting, unconditional love. A baby trusts, relies on it's mother to care for, feed, change, and hold it. Resting it's head on the mothers chest the baby feels the warmth of her skin and hears her heartbeat. Resting in it's mothers arms it sleeps peacefully without a care in the world. How much I need to be like a baby and trust Daddy God to take care of me, feed me and to change my dirties creating in me a clean heart. To trust that He is holding me in His big strong arms. To go about my days and nights peacefully without a care in the world.
The mother-baby relationship is an intimate one.
Intimacy is what the Lord wants with me. I am His child adopted into His family. He is my Daddy God.

All of You for All of Me

God loves me so much and yet I still can't see it. He died for me and yet I still can't forgive. I have come face to face with the King of Glory and yet I still can't believe. Is life really as complicated as it seems or is it me making it more complicated? Is the narrow road really as difficult as it seems or is it me making it more difficult? I don't want to walk through life anymore and I'm tired of running but I want to fly. Oh God how I wanna fly. Give me the strength to emerge from my world and soar on wings of eagles. Give me a heart that beats for You and only You. Give me eyes to see and ears to hear Your voice among many. Give me all of You for all of me. Get me past myself. Whatever it takes God. Whatever it takes. I am Yours.

Dear Daughter

I made all the delicate inner parts of your body
and I knit you together in your mother's womb.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made
My workmanship is marvelous-and how well I want you to know it.
I watched as you were being formed in utter seclusion
as you were woven together in the dark of the womb.
I saw you before you were born.
Everyday of your life was recorded in My book.
Every moment laid out before a single day had passed by.
How precious are My thoughts about you!
They are innumerable!
You can't even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when you wake up in the morning, I am still with you!

Made with love,
Your Heavenly Father

Psalm 139:13-18

July Verse

He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. ~ Colossians 1:15

Prince of New Beginnings

It was this day back on June 28, 1996 that my lil'Angel came into the world. Fashioned and formed from the Father's hands God gave me a gift to unwrap as time goes on. Messenger of new beginnings is his God given name aka Angel Noel.
Recently, I had a vision of Angel standing on a straight dirt path. With trees on the sides this path went on and on and at the end was God. He was caring a sword.
A picture of a mighty warrior walking the narrow road that leads to life.
A couple days later God gave me the same picture but this time I saw Christ holding Angel's right hand and walking him along the road that leads to life.
This morning He gave me this verse for my son.
"Yet I still belong to you; you are holding my right hand. You will keep on guiding me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny." ~ Psalm 73:23-24,NLT
Prince of new beginnings is the word that was spoken over him when he was a baby. Little did I know then that this little child would be leading us to lots of new beginnings.
Lead on lil' soldier, lead on...