Just Because

I have been doing a lot of thinking with a lot of crying last night and today. I wonder what I am doing with my life...
I have been living life like everything is hard. Everything is a burden. Everything is dull and boring. Frustrating and complicated, difficult. And I don't want to live that way anymore. Why am I so afraid to just be. To live the life God has given me. There's a whole world that He created for my enjoyment. People, God created people and I am not even enjoying them. How am I ever gonna get any farther with my life living it the way I've been living it. Jesus is alive and I been living like He's still dead. Why do I beat myself up when He is saying I am good? I do that with other's too. God gave me breath. He gave me another day to live it to the fullest. But I'm not. Instead I settle for this and that. For whatever comes my way whether I like it or not. I take what life gives me and when I have a choice to make I take the one I think God wants me to make which always somehow ends up being the more spiritual one. Everything is a have to. Why can't it ever be a just because I want to just because!
Just because He loves me.
Just because He created me.
Just because I am.
Just because I can.
Just because I'm me.