Apr 28, 2007
Spiritual Widow
Some days I struggle with having a husband but not having a husband. Today is one of those days...
I am a spiritual widow and as I draw closer to the Lord I see more and more the devastation of being unequally yoked brings. I do not wish this on anyone yet I don't hear a lot of people talk about how bad it hurts. Even so I myself did not know the hurt I really felt until recently.
Just another wall come tumbling down...
Today I told God that I need a husband and for Him to be my husband and He led me to this verse Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. ~ 1 Peter 3:7
So I prayed for the Lord to dwell with me as a husband of understanding.
And then He gave me this.
Psalm 91:9-16 ~ Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge, Even the most High, your dwelling place, No evil shall befall you, Nor shall any plaque come near your dwelling; For He shall give His angels charge over you, To keep you in all your ways. In their hands they shall bear you up, Lest you dash your foot against a stone. You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra, The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.
"Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high, because he has known My name. He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him, And show him My salvation."
I love you my Lord and Savior...
I am a spiritual widow and as I draw closer to the Lord I see more and more the devastation of being unequally yoked brings. I do not wish this on anyone yet I don't hear a lot of people talk about how bad it hurts. Even so I myself did not know the hurt I really felt until recently.
Just another wall come tumbling down...
Today I told God that I need a husband and for Him to be my husband and He led me to this verse Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. ~ 1 Peter 3:7
So I prayed for the Lord to dwell with me as a husband of understanding.
And then He gave me this.
Psalm 91:9-16 ~ Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge, Even the most High, your dwelling place, No evil shall befall you, Nor shall any plaque come near your dwelling; For He shall give His angels charge over you, To keep you in all your ways. In their hands they shall bear you up, Lest you dash your foot against a stone. You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra, The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.
"Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high, because he has known My name. He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him, And show him My salvation."
I love you my Lord and Savior...
Apr 27, 2007
The Key
The most amazing thing happened the other night.
My son got me a key that could be used as a key chain or I could have cut. He said "I got this for you cuz I know how you like key chains" And as he was giving it to me I saw it said PRINCESS on it. As I looked closer it said in small print The Daughter of The King. My heart melted as I saw that this was a gift from God. I seized the opportunity and told him all about how the Holy Spirit leads,guides and talks to us the heart of God and that that's what He did with him.
As I picked up the key to blog about it I heard the Lord say "you hold the key in your hands" The key to what?, I say." The key to your destiny. Being a daughter of the King. This key opens many doors in my kingdom"
What key do you have? The key of ugliness, shame(like me), guilt or maybe you hold the key of unforgivness.
Whatever you hold on to let it go and grab hold to the key of Believing you Are a Daughter of The King!
That's what I hear Him telling me.
My son got me a key that could be used as a key chain or I could have cut. He said "I got this for you cuz I know how you like key chains" And as he was giving it to me I saw it said PRINCESS on it. As I looked closer it said in small print The Daughter of The King. My heart melted as I saw that this was a gift from God. I seized the opportunity and told him all about how the Holy Spirit leads,guides and talks to us the heart of God and that that's what He did with him.
As I picked up the key to blog about it I heard the Lord say "you hold the key in your hands" The key to what?, I say." The key to your destiny. Being a daughter of the King. This key opens many doors in my kingdom"
What key do you have? The key of ugliness, shame(like me), guilt or maybe you hold the key of unforgivness.
Whatever you hold on to let it go and grab hold to the key of Believing you Are a Daughter of The King!
That's what I hear Him telling me.
My Shame
Yesterday the Holy Spirit revealed to me that I live in a state of failure.
Today I read that "shame creates a failure mentality"
This morning I prayed for the Lord to open my spiritual eyes and heart to hear His words to me today and this is one of them. (Thank you)
I also had a bad dream last night. It was about my Aunt (the shamer) and my mom (the shamed) Then there was me. I think they were arguing about something. In my dream I felt little, no good, worthless, not good enough and I was crying...
If I admit it, I am hurt because she had the nerve to call my mom on my birthday. I love my Aunt. She was like a second mom to me and took care of me in ways my mom didn't. But I also hate the things she did and said to me. Always telling me I'm going to hell, that I don't love Jesus because the bible says...she got a lot of the church against me. I was known as a bad influence. What's funny is that I think they(Aunt & cousins) think I still am but this time a christian "not following God right"
This could be where my rebel streak comes in. ( yes I still have it)
My motto: If you can't win 'em or LOSE 'em then do whatever you want.
So ya, God is talking to me about shame...
Today I read that "shame creates a failure mentality"
This morning I prayed for the Lord to open my spiritual eyes and heart to hear His words to me today and this is one of them. (Thank you)
I also had a bad dream last night. It was about my Aunt (the shamer) and my mom (the shamed) Then there was me. I think they were arguing about something. In my dream I felt little, no good, worthless, not good enough and I was crying...
If I admit it, I am hurt because she had the nerve to call my mom on my birthday. I love my Aunt. She was like a second mom to me and took care of me in ways my mom didn't. But I also hate the things she did and said to me. Always telling me I'm going to hell, that I don't love Jesus because the bible says...she got a lot of the church against me. I was known as a bad influence. What's funny is that I think they(Aunt & cousins) think I still am but this time a christian "not following God right"
This could be where my rebel streak comes in. ( yes I still have it)
My motto: If you can't win 'em or LOSE 'em then do whatever you want.
So ya, God is talking to me about shame...
Apr 25, 2007
Beauty for Ashes
Today is a new day!
I was in a depression all day yesterday as God took me through the pain that I carry. Through it all He has shown me that there is a never ending cycle of a spirit of rejection with my family. A generational curse that He is breaking upon my life. He is storming the gates of hell and breaking down those strongholds. By His blood He is washing away my sins, the scars, and the sins of my parents that the enemy has used to stop me from living. I mean really LIVING.
He is giving me beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness...Isaiah 61:3 And I praise His holy name!
Thank you for Your beauty Lord, thank you for the oil of joy and the garment of praise. I won't stop there though...I want more...I want to see more of the ashes fall off and your beauty arise in me. Pour the oil of joy upon me so that I may live the victorious life I know that I have in you. Cloth me with the garment of praise and break the spirit of heaviness that lies deep within my heart. Give me beauty for ashes Lord, beauty for ashes...
I was in a depression all day yesterday as God took me through the pain that I carry. Through it all He has shown me that there is a never ending cycle of a spirit of rejection with my family. A generational curse that He is breaking upon my life. He is storming the gates of hell and breaking down those strongholds. By His blood He is washing away my sins, the scars, and the sins of my parents that the enemy has used to stop me from living. I mean really LIVING.
He is giving me beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness...Isaiah 61:3 And I praise His holy name!
Thank you for Your beauty Lord, thank you for the oil of joy and the garment of praise. I won't stop there though...I want more...I want to see more of the ashes fall off and your beauty arise in me. Pour the oil of joy upon me so that I may live the victorious life I know that I have in you. Cloth me with the garment of praise and break the spirit of heaviness that lies deep within my heart. Give me beauty for ashes Lord, beauty for ashes...
Apr 24, 2007
Root of Rejection
Last week a couple ladies prayed for me about my fears. At some point during this time the lady that was praying asked that the Lord would show us the root to these fears. Immediately the word rejection came to my mind. I tried to get it off my mind because I thought no this can't be right I already covered rejection but I decided to tell the ladies anyway. As they were praying for me one of them tells me that she sees there's a line of rejection in my ancestors. (there is)
Then she tells me that she wants me to know that I am accepted here. Then the other one said she felt like God wanted me to know that He accepts me and that He died on the cross for me.
Later that night I prayed...God I already know you accept me I don't understand why you would tell the lady to tell me that. And He said because growing up no one ever accepted you. I was like What? Then all of a sudden my whole life flashed before me of all the times I was never accepted. I said that's impossible. How can a child receive so much rejection everywhere she went? He even showed me that I felt rejected by my mom for always putting me in daycare and with babysitters.
This has been hard for me to accept but God's timing is perfect. I finished reading the book Approval Addiction and after going through a weekend full of rejection I see that my eyes have been more open to it and I don't have to receive it anymore. This doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. But that I can walk away knowing that Christ accepts me no matter what people say, do, or think about me.
Rejection - Could possibly be the number one killer the enemy uses to destroy people. I think of suicide, depression, anger, murder, divorce , self mutilation and the list could go on...
I pray that I would be more open to the needs around me. To what other people are really saying and feeling before it's to late....Let me not reject others especially my husband and children, but instead love others with your agape love.
Then she tells me that she wants me to know that I am accepted here. Then the other one said she felt like God wanted me to know that He accepts me and that He died on the cross for me.
Later that night I prayed...God I already know you accept me I don't understand why you would tell the lady to tell me that. And He said because growing up no one ever accepted you. I was like What? Then all of a sudden my whole life flashed before me of all the times I was never accepted. I said that's impossible. How can a child receive so much rejection everywhere she went? He even showed me that I felt rejected by my mom for always putting me in daycare and with babysitters.
This has been hard for me to accept but God's timing is perfect. I finished reading the book Approval Addiction and after going through a weekend full of rejection I see that my eyes have been more open to it and I don't have to receive it anymore. This doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. But that I can walk away knowing that Christ accepts me no matter what people say, do, or think about me.
Rejection - Could possibly be the number one killer the enemy uses to destroy people. I think of suicide, depression, anger, murder, divorce , self mutilation and the list could go on...
I pray that I would be more open to the needs around me. To what other people are really saying and feeling before it's to late....Let me not reject others especially my husband and children, but instead love others with your agape love.
Apr 16, 2007
To know Him More
To know God and make Him known...this is my life mission.
To posses the heart of God...that my heart beats for the people around me.
To step out... and do what He is calling me to say and do.
To love...In order to lead.
Unconditional, true, genuine love is out of this world. It could only come from the Father. His love enables us to love other's just as much as we love ourselves. The question is how much do you love yourself ? We can only give as much as we have been given. Under that question is do you know how much you are loved?
Up until now I have always thought I knew what His love was. But now I am seeing it is so not what some of the church has made it out to be. There is so much more of Him that He wants to give/show us. I can go on and on but you really have to experience it. And to experience it you have to spend time with and get to know Him for God is Love.
Prayer~ There is so much more to Your Love that I need to learn but I praise God for opening my eye's and I ask that You take me deeper and deeper in Your love and in your presence to know you intimately! In Jesus name.
To posses the heart of God...that my heart beats for the people around me.
To step out... and do what He is calling me to say and do.
To love...In order to lead.
Unconditional, true, genuine love is out of this world. It could only come from the Father. His love enables us to love other's just as much as we love ourselves. The question is how much do you love yourself ? We can only give as much as we have been given. Under that question is do you know how much you are loved?
Up until now I have always thought I knew what His love was. But now I am seeing it is so not what some of the church has made it out to be. There is so much more of Him that He wants to give/show us. I can go on and on but you really have to experience it. And to experience it you have to spend time with and get to know Him for God is Love.
Prayer~ There is so much more to Your Love that I need to learn but I praise God for opening my eye's and I ask that You take me deeper and deeper in Your love and in your presence to know you intimately! In Jesus name.
Apr 13, 2007
Who is this King of Glory?
Lift up your gaze
Be lifted up
Tell everyone
How great the love
The love came down
From heaven's gate
To kiss the earth
With hope and grace
Who is this King of Glory?
The Lord, strong and mighty
Lift up your hands
Be lifted up
Let the redeemed
Declare the love
We bow down
At heaven's gate
To kiss the feet
Of hope and grace
There is one God
He is Holy
There is one Lord
Over everything
There is one King
He is Jesus
King of glory
Strong and mighty
Be lifted up
Tell everyone
How great the love
The love came down
From heaven's gate
To kiss the earth
With hope and grace
Who is this King of Glory?
The Lord, strong and mighty
Lift up your hands
Be lifted up
Let the redeemed
Declare the love
We bow down
At heaven's gate
To kiss the feet
Of hope and grace
There is one God
He is Holy
There is one Lord
Over everything
There is one King
He is Jesus
King of glory
Strong and mighty
No Fear
I was born to a family that has the spirit of fear heavily upon them. This fear is so strong that it has haunted me day and night. So much so that I just fear for nothing. I fear fear itself.
I have been praying for God to reveal to me any door or gate of fear so I can let it go. Already He is taking me back to my childhood. I can remember being so afraid but I am not sure of what.
My sister and I hiding...
Afraid of my Aunt...I still am...
Afraid of the teacher's...
Afraid to laugh...
Afraid to cry...
Afraid of my dad...and all my friend's dad's...
Afraid my grandma would die...then she did and I became...
Afraid my mom would die...who would care for me and my sister...
This must be the gate. A childhood filled with fears and words of death that has followed me all my life.
Thank you Heavenly Father for revealing to me all things in your time. I renounce any and all agreement with the spirit of fear that has tormented me all these years. I renounce any and all words of death that have been spoken over me as a child. This day I choose life and come into agreement with the fear of the Lord. I ask that you oh Lord begin to speak life into my soul that I may follow you. Where the spirit of the Lord is there is liberty and I ask that you set this captive free. Free to have peace, power, love and a sound mind. Free to live for you!
I praise you for your freedom...
I praise you for your unfailing love...
I praise you for making all things new in my life...In Jesus name, Amen
I have been praying for God to reveal to me any door or gate of fear so I can let it go. Already He is taking me back to my childhood. I can remember being so afraid but I am not sure of what.
My sister and I hiding...
Afraid of my Aunt...I still am...
Afraid of the teacher's...
Afraid to laugh...
Afraid to cry...
Afraid of my dad...and all my friend's dad's...
Afraid my grandma would die...then she did and I became...
Afraid my mom would die...who would care for me and my sister...
This must be the gate. A childhood filled with fears and words of death that has followed me all my life.
Thank you Heavenly Father for revealing to me all things in your time. I renounce any and all agreement with the spirit of fear that has tormented me all these years. I renounce any and all words of death that have been spoken over me as a child. This day I choose life and come into agreement with the fear of the Lord. I ask that you oh Lord begin to speak life into my soul that I may follow you. Where the spirit of the Lord is there is liberty and I ask that you set this captive free. Free to have peace, power, love and a sound mind. Free to live for you!
I praise you for your freedom...
I praise you for your unfailing love...
I praise you for making all things new in my life...In Jesus name, Amen
Apr 10, 2007
Love~N~Beauty
This is where the title for my blog came from.
On February 6,2007 God gave me a vision. In this vision I saw a delicate, white rose bud. And by it I saw a rose in full bloom. The H.S spoke the words Love~N~Beauty.
The vision is a picture of my sister. Like the rose bud her heart is closed, in bondage, and in chains from all of the thorns in her life. It is white because that is how the Father see's her...pure. As the Father rains down His love drop by drop by drop, she begins to open up and eventually becomes a beautiful rose in the kingdom of heaven where God's glory shines through and through. These love drops are red signifying the blood that He shed for her. His Love giving her Beauty for ashes.
Then the Lord gave me these words. The bud represents every girl who is hurting. She hurts so much she can't see past the pain. Hopelessness and despair overshadow her eyes as the scars from life's ugliest moments bleed fresh upon her face. She is crying inside, wanting and waiting for someone to love her. Anyone to love her right where she is at. Who will be the one to love her? No matter where she's at , no matter what she has done or no matter who she is.
Heavenly Father, come rain down your love. As your spirit touches her heart, set her free. Bloom her into the women you meant for her to be. And He replied, "I am Jesus the Son of God and for her tears my blood was shed. Now go and let her know that it's me she wants. It's me she needs. It's me that she's looking for. For she is loved and beautiful in me!"
On February 6,2007 God gave me a vision. In this vision I saw a delicate, white rose bud. And by it I saw a rose in full bloom. The H.S spoke the words Love~N~Beauty.
The vision is a picture of my sister. Like the rose bud her heart is closed, in bondage, and in chains from all of the thorns in her life. It is white because that is how the Father see's her...pure. As the Father rains down His love drop by drop by drop, she begins to open up and eventually becomes a beautiful rose in the kingdom of heaven where God's glory shines through and through. These love drops are red signifying the blood that He shed for her. His Love giving her Beauty for ashes.
Then the Lord gave me these words. The bud represents every girl who is hurting. She hurts so much she can't see past the pain. Hopelessness and despair overshadow her eyes as the scars from life's ugliest moments bleed fresh upon her face. She is crying inside, wanting and waiting for someone to love her. Anyone to love her right where she is at. Who will be the one to love her? No matter where she's at , no matter what she has done or no matter who she is.
Heavenly Father, come rain down your love. As your spirit touches her heart, set her free. Bloom her into the women you meant for her to be. And He replied, "I am Jesus the Son of God and for her tears my blood was shed. Now go and let her know that it's me she wants. It's me she needs. It's me that she's looking for. For she is loved and beautiful in me!"
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