A Wedding Story (or Not)

Last night I shared with my husband the fake pearl thing. I gave him a piece of my heart and told him that I want to be married to him for real now and I want our relationship to be real. This was hard for me to do. To come out from behind the mask, to push thru the pain and ask him to come with me.

I met my husband at the age of 19. It was the summer of 1994. We had just moved to San Antonio from California. I might have changed playgrounds but old habits die hard and once again I found myself playing the game of survival. I cared for nothing or no one. I had only one thing on my mind and that was me. But then Joe came into my life and everything changed. That's when I started playing the game of hide n seek. Where I hid all the bad I was doing but he would find me sitting all pretty waiting for him.
Well, Joe eventually went back to Austin and we moved back home to Cali. We lived in Texas for a total of 6 months.
Back home things were getting worse. I was becoming a tweaker and I was going down fast. But I watched my best friend go down faster. Between her, hanging out at a satanic like drug house and my mom screaming and crying over me, this guy Joe was my way out. Alas, my prince charming come to save me from all the pain and shame in my life. I hopped on the plane to go to Austin, Texas where he was waiting for me. Looking out the window I watched San Jose get smaller and smaller as the tears ran down my face. I knew I was doing the wrong thing. It was one of the worst days of my life.
Things were not much better with my prince. For he wasn't a prince at all but just like "all the rest" in disguise. I found myself alone, afraid and pregnant. I stayed with my so called prince for a total of 10 months. Long enough to have the baby and go my merry little way.
I went back home to my mom's in California only for Joe to follow and beg for me to come back with him. This was it. I was faced with a life or death decision where I knew what ever I choose would either bring blessing or curse. But it was no longer only me for I had a little boy I needed to think of too. Confusion set in. I wanted so badly to stay at home with my sister but things were not going so good and "home" was no place to raise a child either.
A few days later we got married at the local court. Joe flew back to Texas and I was to follow 2 weeks later. Flooded with feelings of shame, fear, and regret I decided to undo the marriage. Together my sister and I told my mom and her words were ones I will never forget. She said "No, you can't stay here, you married him and now you have to live with it, you have to go you can't stay here anymore" Once again I got on the plane this time with my 8 month old baby boy. I left my family, my friends and myself behind and faced an unknown future. Alone, afraid, desparate and determined I began to call on Jesus.

It's been 10 years since we married. I am just now finding myself again but this time in Christ. I have no regrets. The Lord has brought me this far and I know that He will continue to take me farther but this time I am not alone and I am not afraid(Well, okay maybe a little). The fake pearls between my husband and I are falling off making room for the Real Pearl to shine thru. My prince has come and together we will serve the King. He just doesn't know it yet!!