Go and Sin no More

My pastors message yesterday was crazy awesome! God is using it as part of my healing process in my sexual brokenness. We read John 8:1-11 where Jesus tells the adulterous woman in verse 11 to go and sin no more. These words Go and sin no more carry a special meaning in my life.
When I was about twenty years old I moved in with my boyfriend whom I barley knew. He was an unbeliever. Having grown up in church I knew living with this man was not right. But I didn't care. The abuse started right away. I became pregnant and lost the baby around 3 months. A few months later I got pregnant again.
During my pregnancy I set out to read the bible all the way through. When I came to the story of Moses and Egypt the Lord pressed on my heart that I was living in an Egypt and He wanted to take me out of the land, I did not belong there. He even sent me an Aaron so to speak. My sister came and stayed with me while I had the baby.
The time came for my sister to leave. I couldn't stand the fact that I wasn't going with her like I knew I should. She left with promises from me that I would follow in 2 weeks. Those last 2 weeks were some of the hardest of my life as I prepared and planned my escape, wished and cried it all away.
It was around this time that I heard Rebecca St. James song, Go and Sin no more on the local christian radio. God was talking to me. "Go(get out of this place) And sin no more"
Fast forward to now, 12 years later and I'm sitting in church as a sexually broken woman listening to a message titled God & Sex - John 8:1-11. I just wanted to break down and cry tears of pain, tears of shame. Driving home Father reminded me of Go and sin no more. He said, I have already forgiven you daughter, now believe it! Let this be an end to a new beginning to sexual wholeness.

"He said to her, Woman, Where are your accusers? Has no man condemned you?
She answered, No one, Lord! And Jesus said, I do not condemn you either. Go on your way and from now on sin no more." ~ John 8:10-11

My Heart in His Hands

It is so hard for me to imagine that the One who calls me beautiful wants to hold my heart in His hands. It's hard to imagine that He wants all of me, that I am not my own but His.
To let go of all the other lovers in my life just to be with Him...
To stop searching for that special someone or something to fulfill my little girl desires...
And become one with Christ, my Bridegroom.
"Come closer" He whispers in my ear. I hesitate as I think of all the different ways my body has been touched. I feel so dirty inside and out. I have given myself away to many times to count and now theirs nothing left to give...
Like a filthy rag and a broken vessel so is the way I see my body.
I never knew I carried so much shame from this...Heal my Body scars Father. Help me to trust You and place my heart in Your hands.

Journey to Living Beautifully - Update

Day 2 -
This journey is proving to be a healing experience for me. I fasted again on day 2. I made it all the way to 6:00. God led me to read Daniel chapter 3.
I learned that I should dedicate myself to God everyday. It should be a lifestyle for me.

Day 3 -
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew [and] approved of you [as My chosen instrument], and before you were born I separated and set you apart, consecrating you; [and] I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." ~ Jer. 1:5
I am set apart. He wants all of me. My body, my hands, my mouth, my mind, my money, and my time. I am His...

Day 4, 5 and 6 -
We celebrated Easter on Good Friday with some friends and there family. The kids had a fun time hunting for eggs and doing a scavenger hunt. We all(including my husband) went to church on Sunday. Everyone there was dressed so pretty.

J2B - Day 1

Day 1

Today I am dedicating my body to the Lord. I sat down last night to write out a dedication to the Lord but no words came, just the verse in Romans 12:1:

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God–this is your spiritual act of worship.

He didn't want me to write a dedication but to dedicate my body to Him through fasting today.

I have never dedicated my body to Christ before. This is something that is not normal to me and just thinking about it makes me want to cry. My body has been so defiled and I am so ashamed. He wants to change all that though with Heaven's rain...

Journey to Beauty

He has made everything beautiful in its time...Ecclesiastes 3:11

Yesterday I decided to take a Journey with the Lord. Forty days to Living Beautiful for my God. My sister is traveling along with me. My theme song for this is Measure of Beauty by Lindsey Kane.

Broken and Beautiful

I was thinking about my past and feeling so broken, so worn, trashed and used - like an empty wall. I was listening to a love song and as it played on this is what He told me...

The foundation has already been laid. I am your Creator and I have built you from My own hand. I love you with an everlasting love. I have built you with hands of mercy, with hands of grace. You were built for Me.
You are not an abandoned house...You are Mine!
You are not an empty house...I have come to fill it with Life and life everlasting!
I have come to decorate My house, My daughter, from the inside out. Others might not be able to see the work that's going on in the inside and that's okay because I know!
I know what I am doing.
Trust Me.
Trust the hands of your Creator who makes all things beautiful in it's time.

Girl Power

Be strong (confident) and of good courage... ~ Joshua 1:6

He makes my feet like the hinds' [firm and able]; He sets me secure and confident upon the heights. ~ 2 Samuel 22:34

And you shall be secure and feel confident because there is hope; yes, you shall search about you, and you shall take your rest in safety. ~ Job 11:18

In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for you, Lord, alone make me dwell in safety and confident trust ~ Psalm 4:8

March Verse

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord ~ Joshua 24:15