I have been crying all day. The pain that is coming up I never knew was there. It hurts so bad. And I can't stop crying. I think I am crying cuz I was left alone and I never had a mom(emotionally) and dad. I never knew that hurt me though. I wonder if I ever cried when I was little over this but I don't think so cuz I have kept this gotta keep going attitude in me and not let myself feel the pain and could not admit that it hurt. I can't believe I have been living like this all my life. This has followed me this whole time.
Everything has been a lie. The adults in the family have created some kinda illusion that it doesn't hurt and its not that way at all. But it's real and it's been eating me alive. All that time they tried to blame us. No one has ever taken responsibility for there own selves. It's always been our fault. And I been carrying this responsibility, there resposibility this whole time. I can't do it any more. I can't...
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About Me
- Athena
- Like a rose bud my heart was closed and afraid. But then my King rained down His love and I'm no longer the same. It's these dew drops of His love that are making me into something beautiful for Him.
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2 comments:
Oh my sweet and beautiful friend, I love you and I can feel your hurt. I wish I could run over and throw my arms around you and let you weep on my shoulder (I would of course smell your hair!).
I love you and am praying for you
ange
Athena,
Your strength always amazes me. I am so proud of the growth I see in you. God be with you and help you to heal from this new revelation.
Things were similar in my household. I've had to learn to accept that my mother will never take ownership for most of the things that happened when I was little. She just isn't there yet and that has to be okay, otherwise I'd drive myself nuts. I'm not sure if God has showed you this yet, but perhaps it will help you. My mother parented me the best she could using the skills that she inherited from her own parents. They did awful things to her as well and she did amazingly well considering all the things she had to overcome. It doesn't make what happened to me okay. It stinks that I experienced those awful things. But, I do know that if my mother had been able to be a better mother she would have been a better mother. She just couldn't.
Praise GOD that He has given you and I the opportunity to break the chains of bondage and the inheritance of dysfunction and abuse. Our children don't have to carry on the legacy that our parents inherited and that we inherited. Jesus came to set us free. Your daughter doesn't have to find herself in your shoes years from now. No, she can raise her head high and say, "My mother loved me and shared the love of Christ with me!"
I'm here for you. See you Saturday.
Alex
989-0511
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