"Abba Father"

Growing up I never knew my father. Daughter of a drug addict and born to a mother who didn't know how to nurture,love, and protect. I was left to figure life out on my own. Sure I had all my physical needs met but without the love it meant nothing.

Today I now seek to know the Lord as a father. The longing that I didn't know was there, the void that could not be filled, the emptiness I feel inside is all for a little girl who had no parent to delight in her.
Never raised by a father...
Never received a mothers attention...
BUT ALWAYS LOVED BY GOD!
He has adopted me, chosen me, and is raising me up as His own. I don't even know what that looks like exactly but I know that His word says He delights in me and loves me with an everlasting love.

For as many as are led by the spirit of God,these are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out,"Abba Father." ~ Romans 8:14,15

Sparkles of Beauty

I picture God with His radiant beauty looking like glitter. Shining with brilliant sparkles that radiate light. I come humbly but boldly and enter the throne of Grace and His courts with praise. With my heart heavy and head bowed low He assures me that I am cherished with everlasting life. While covering me in a blanket of love I look up. With His beauty surrounding me I begin to rise. With my hand in His I know I am cared for. He begins to sprinkle the glitter on my head reaching to my hands and feet. And for a moment it seems that time stands still. He walks away leaving me to glisten.

"One thing I have desired of the Lord,
That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the Lord,
And to inquire in His temple." ~ Psalm 27:4

Divine Love

Some mornings I wake up with a song on my heart and praises on my lips. Bathed in His beauty and basking in His arms I think I am falling in love. Not with what the world has to offer but with the love of the heavenly Father. How great is our God that He bestows His love upon us.
I am forgiven,I am redeemed, I am accepted, I am free and I am loved.

You Glow Girl!

Glow with Love
Glow with beauty
Glow with strength
Glow with confidence
Glow with boldness
Glow with faith

Glow with joy
Glow with laughter
Glow with delight
Glow with tears
Glow with sorrow
Glow with might

Glow with singing
Glow with dancing
Glow with praise
Glow with favor
Glow with freedom
Glow with grace

His Radiant Light

It's shining on me. Like a flashlight it helps me to see my way in the dark dispelling it and leading me to the truth that sets my heart free. Free to love. Free to laugh. Free to be who He created me to be. It Radiates love, radiates life, radiates beauty, radiates grace.
Illuminating His manifest presence within and making all things new. What I once thought wasn't NOW is and what I thought couldn't be NOW can. Shining so brightly this King of Glory His radiant light on me.

Sunflowers

While looking out my kitchen window I was reflecting on a sunflower. And how the sunflower looks to the sun because that's how it grows. Without the sun it would die.
Wich got me thinking on how we should be like the sunflower and always look to the Son, rely on the Son, and grow in the Son. Without the Son we too would wither away or maybe not grow to our full potential with our head looking up towards the Son and His light shining on us causing us to burst forth with seeds of righteousness.

"Then the righteous will shine forth as the sun in the kingdom of their Father..." Matthew 13:43

Field of Flowers

As I go along in this life I watch and wonder. I watch the people. I hear what they say. With the expressions on there face telling me everything is not okay. You have to go beyond the surface, behind the mask and see what God see's.
The other night I saw a picture with hill like mountains. In front of the hills was a fence. On one side of the fence was a beautiful field of yellow flowers and on the other side was just a bare field. The Lord spoke to my heart saying "this is you a flower in a field amongst others, the body of Christ. The other side of the fence is where you were before and where other's in the body of Christ still are." Then the Lord gave me this verse,
"But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light;" ~ 1 Peter 2:9
Later that night I walked into the kitchen and there on the window sill waiting for me was a single yellow sunflower and next to it was a yellow card. My son had drawn a flower on it and wrote happy mothers day. A beautiful picture of God's love for me.
"My beloved spoke, and said to me:
Rise up, my love, my fair one,
And come away.
For lo, the winter is past,
The rain is over and gone.
The flowers appear on the earth;
The time of singing has come,
And the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land." ~ Song of Solomon 2:10-12

Beauty From Pain

The lights go out all around me,One last candle to keep out the night. And then the darkness surrounds me, I know I'm alive But I feel like I died. And all that's left is to accept that it's over. My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made. I try to keep warm but I just grow colder, I feel like I'm slipping away. After all this has passed I still will remain. After I've cried my last,There'll be beauty from pain. Though it won't be today, Someday I'll hope again and there'll be beauty from pain. You will bring beauty from my pain. My whole world is the pain inside me. The best I can do is just get through the day. When life before is only a memory. I wonder why God let's me walk through this place. And though I can't understand why this happened, I know that I will when I look back someday. And see how You've brought beauty from ashes and made me as gold purified through these flames. Here I am at the end of me, trying to hold to what I can't see, I forgot how to hope, This night's been so long. I cling to your promise there will be a dawn. After all this has passed, I still will remain. After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain. You will bring beauty from my pain ~ Superchick

My Victim vs Victor Feelings

Feeling sad, living in a state of fear and uncertainty. Not sure what the days hold. To many tears, dreams. Holding on for dear life to the tree of life. Waiting,watching for something, anything. Pain,sorrow,self pity,self doubt. Restlessness,Distance,only time will tell. Same old same old,circles,round and round we go,when does it end? Reject and you get rejection. Reject again and you get rejection. Curse,Confusion,lies...Victim.

Hope,faith,vulnerability,study,pray,pray some more,fight,pick up my sword and fight. Mind of Christ,daughter of the most high God,King of Kings,war,warrior,favor,anointed,for such a time as this,royalty,bride,love,so much love,endless love,beauty for ashes,comfort,faith,obedience...Victor.

Psalm 46:10

Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!

BE STILL: rest,calm,delight,peace,quiet,assurance,wait,listen,expect,recieve love.

AND KNOW THAT: believe,rest assured,confidence,wisdom,insight,knowledge,revelation.

I AM GOD: Almighty,Able,Restorer,Daddy,Banker,Deliverer.

Endless Love

Last night as I was worshiping the Lord said to me "My love is endless like the sky goes on and on forever so does my love. There is no end and no endings only beginnings with eternal life"

Before & After

This is me
Before:
worried,anxious,confused,angry,discontent,chaotic,unloving,frustrated,codependent, depressed,low self esteem,shameful,guilty,careless,unbelief,empty,selfish,prideful,unhappy,bitter...

After:
Joyfull,excited,calm,content,loving,caring,aware,talkative,worthy,forgiven,creative,patient,prayerful,worshipful,thankful,warrior,bride of Christ,righteousness of Christ,full,satisfied,open...

Of course I am still a work in progress but Praise God! He really is making all things new.

Mother & Daughter Dinner

Okay, I think I figured this picture thing out. Anyways, My daughter and I attended a mother & daughter dinner last night. It was our first time. It was so beautiful. I think it was an Esther theme. The colors were purple. white, and gold. The mother's got a crown and the daughter's a scepter. They took a professional picture and gave it to us towards the end of the night. There was a beautiful banner that said chosen one and another that said something about your bridegroom has come. They actually served us our food including the water. We had an elegant meal of glazed ham,asparagus, carrots, potatoes, and rolls while a worship band played. The entertainment consisted of mother & daughter tributes. A testimony with a dance and a song that made you wanna cry. A daughter wrote and sang a song for her mother, A husband singing a song to his wife and when he was done she walked on stage and hugged him, two adult daughter's thanking there mom for the prayers and christian heritage she raised them in, a tribute for a maternity house mom for the many daughter's she has raised.

It was full of love and beauty...

Princess Dreams

I have spent a lot of time with my daughter lately doing girly things.
Girly things like:

• shopping
• eating
• doing hair
• painting nails
• accessorizing
• using the shimmer lotion
• attending a mother-daughter dinner

And unbeknownst to me it was a lot of fun!! Yep, I think being a girl was fun and I would like to try and continue this. After all it is my God given right!

So before there was spilled milk, mud, bugs, sticky hands, ice scream faces, potty accidents, bleach and scrubbing bubbles...there was baggy clothes, dark makeup, Nike's and the color red. And before there was skirts, matching outfits, flamingos, palm trees, swatch, and slumber parties...there was barbies, the color pink, Cinderella dresses and princess dreams....

Is this not what every girl dreams of ? Until the thorns of life come and slowly her dreams begin to fade away slipping through the hands of time she now hides behind a mask of lies that was never meant to be there in the first place. Well, this girl is tired of hiding and I'm tired of running. There really is a castle waiting for me. It is being prepared as I write. And I really am a princess. Even better, a daughter of the King of Kings.

And so I pray Lord that you would continue to bring my femininity into shock and awaken the dreams that you have placed in me to fulfill my destiny as Your daughter, as a wife and as a mother. I want to honor you Lord and be who you created me to be. Continue to open my eyes to your truth that the enemy has hidden for so long. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made and in that may my soul know well. In Jesus name, Amen

It is Finished!

It is finished! Those are the words the Lord has given me to declare over my life. I started my recovery journey in February of 2003 when one day I woke up to His amazing grace. I heard a quote today that explains it all. It was "a revelation to an invitation for an impartation that creates transformation that leads to a manifestation
of revelation."
Something only the Lord could do. Not by might nor by power but by His spirit. It has been a long four years of renewing of my mind through transformation and He will continue to transform me until I get to heaven. But for 31 years I was bound to a life of misery and that is what He is saying is finished! My past does not make my future. It's my future that makes my past and therefore what I do in the now is what matters. And now is the time to lay hold of the hope that I have in Christ Jesus. Hope for myself, husband and children. For my city, country and all nations.
Yes it is finished but as I end this post the Lord is showing me more...that it's also the beginning.

May Verse

Yea,(Yeaaahhh!) though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod(on my left) and Your staff(on my right), they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in
the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.(And over, and over, and over...)
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever. ~ Psalm 23:4-6