Apr 28, 2007
Spiritual Widow
Some days I struggle with having a husband but not having a husband. Today is one of those days...
I am a spiritual widow and as I draw closer to the Lord I see more and more the devastation of being unequally yoked brings. I do not wish this on anyone yet I don't hear a lot of people talk about how bad it hurts. Even so I myself did not know the hurt I really felt until recently.
Just another wall come tumbling down...
Today I told God that I need a husband and for Him to be my husband and He led me to this verse Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. ~ 1 Peter 3:7
So I prayed for the Lord to dwell with me as a husband of understanding.
And then He gave me this.
Psalm 91:9-16 ~ Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge, Even the most High, your dwelling place, No evil shall befall you, Nor shall any plaque come near your dwelling; For He shall give His angels charge over you, To keep you in all your ways. In their hands they shall bear you up, Lest you dash your foot against a stone. You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra, The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.
"Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high, because he has known My name. He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him, And show him My salvation."
I love you my Lord and Savior...
I am a spiritual widow and as I draw closer to the Lord I see more and more the devastation of being unequally yoked brings. I do not wish this on anyone yet I don't hear a lot of people talk about how bad it hurts. Even so I myself did not know the hurt I really felt until recently.
Just another wall come tumbling down...
Today I told God that I need a husband and for Him to be my husband and He led me to this verse Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. ~ 1 Peter 3:7
So I prayed for the Lord to dwell with me as a husband of understanding.
And then He gave me this.
Psalm 91:9-16 ~ Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge, Even the most High, your dwelling place, No evil shall befall you, Nor shall any plaque come near your dwelling; For He shall give His angels charge over you, To keep you in all your ways. In their hands they shall bear you up, Lest you dash your foot against a stone. You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra, The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.
"Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high, because he has known My name. He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him, And show him My salvation."
I love you my Lord and Savior...
Apr 27, 2007
The Key
The most amazing thing happened the other night.
My son got me a key that could be used as a key chain or I could have cut. He said "I got this for you cuz I know how you like key chains" And as he was giving it to me I saw it said PRINCESS on it. As I looked closer it said in small print The Daughter of The King. My heart melted as I saw that this was a gift from God. I seized the opportunity and told him all about how the Holy Spirit leads,guides and talks to us the heart of God and that that's what He did with him.
As I picked up the key to blog about it I heard the Lord say "you hold the key in your hands" The key to what?, I say." The key to your destiny. Being a daughter of the King. This key opens many doors in my kingdom"
What key do you have? The key of ugliness, shame(like me), guilt or maybe you hold the key of unforgivness.
Whatever you hold on to let it go and grab hold to the key of Believing you Are a Daughter of The King!
That's what I hear Him telling me.
My son got me a key that could be used as a key chain or I could have cut. He said "I got this for you cuz I know how you like key chains" And as he was giving it to me I saw it said PRINCESS on it. As I looked closer it said in small print The Daughter of The King. My heart melted as I saw that this was a gift from God. I seized the opportunity and told him all about how the Holy Spirit leads,guides and talks to us the heart of God and that that's what He did with him.
As I picked up the key to blog about it I heard the Lord say "you hold the key in your hands" The key to what?, I say." The key to your destiny. Being a daughter of the King. This key opens many doors in my kingdom"
What key do you have? The key of ugliness, shame(like me), guilt or maybe you hold the key of unforgivness.
Whatever you hold on to let it go and grab hold to the key of Believing you Are a Daughter of The King!
That's what I hear Him telling me.
My Shame
Yesterday the Holy Spirit revealed to me that I live in a state of failure.
Today I read that "shame creates a failure mentality"
This morning I prayed for the Lord to open my spiritual eyes and heart to hear His words to me today and this is one of them. (Thank you)
I also had a bad dream last night. It was about my Aunt (the shamer) and my mom (the shamed) Then there was me. I think they were arguing about something. In my dream I felt little, no good, worthless, not good enough and I was crying...
If I admit it, I am hurt because she had the nerve to call my mom on my birthday. I love my Aunt. She was like a second mom to me and took care of me in ways my mom didn't. But I also hate the things she did and said to me. Always telling me I'm going to hell, that I don't love Jesus because the bible says...she got a lot of the church against me. I was known as a bad influence. What's funny is that I think they(Aunt & cousins) think I still am but this time a christian "not following God right"
This could be where my rebel streak comes in. ( yes I still have it)
My motto: If you can't win 'em or LOSE 'em then do whatever you want.
So ya, God is talking to me about shame...
Today I read that "shame creates a failure mentality"
This morning I prayed for the Lord to open my spiritual eyes and heart to hear His words to me today and this is one of them. (Thank you)
I also had a bad dream last night. It was about my Aunt (the shamer) and my mom (the shamed) Then there was me. I think they were arguing about something. In my dream I felt little, no good, worthless, not good enough and I was crying...
If I admit it, I am hurt because she had the nerve to call my mom on my birthday. I love my Aunt. She was like a second mom to me and took care of me in ways my mom didn't. But I also hate the things she did and said to me. Always telling me I'm going to hell, that I don't love Jesus because the bible says...she got a lot of the church against me. I was known as a bad influence. What's funny is that I think they(Aunt & cousins) think I still am but this time a christian "not following God right"
This could be where my rebel streak comes in. ( yes I still have it)
My motto: If you can't win 'em or LOSE 'em then do whatever you want.
So ya, God is talking to me about shame...
Apr 25, 2007
Beauty for Ashes
Today is a new day!
I was in a depression all day yesterday as God took me through the pain that I carry. Through it all He has shown me that there is a never ending cycle of a spirit of rejection with my family. A generational curse that He is breaking upon my life. He is storming the gates of hell and breaking down those strongholds. By His blood He is washing away my sins, the scars, and the sins of my parents that the enemy has used to stop me from living. I mean really LIVING.
He is giving me beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness...Isaiah 61:3 And I praise His holy name!
Thank you for Your beauty Lord, thank you for the oil of joy and the garment of praise. I won't stop there though...I want more...I want to see more of the ashes fall off and your beauty arise in me. Pour the oil of joy upon me so that I may live the victorious life I know that I have in you. Cloth me with the garment of praise and break the spirit of heaviness that lies deep within my heart. Give me beauty for ashes Lord, beauty for ashes...
I was in a depression all day yesterday as God took me through the pain that I carry. Through it all He has shown me that there is a never ending cycle of a spirit of rejection with my family. A generational curse that He is breaking upon my life. He is storming the gates of hell and breaking down those strongholds. By His blood He is washing away my sins, the scars, and the sins of my parents that the enemy has used to stop me from living. I mean really LIVING.
He is giving me beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness...Isaiah 61:3 And I praise His holy name!
Thank you for Your beauty Lord, thank you for the oil of joy and the garment of praise. I won't stop there though...I want more...I want to see more of the ashes fall off and your beauty arise in me. Pour the oil of joy upon me so that I may live the victorious life I know that I have in you. Cloth me with the garment of praise and break the spirit of heaviness that lies deep within my heart. Give me beauty for ashes Lord, beauty for ashes...
Apr 24, 2007
Root of Rejection
Last week a couple ladies prayed for me about my fears. At some point during this time the lady that was praying asked that the Lord would show us the root to these fears. Immediately the word rejection came to my mind. I tried to get it off my mind because I thought no this can't be right I already covered rejection but I decided to tell the ladies anyway. As they were praying for me one of them tells me that she sees there's a line of rejection in my ancestors. (there is)
Then she tells me that she wants me to know that I am accepted here. Then the other one said she felt like God wanted me to know that He accepts me and that He died on the cross for me.
Later that night I prayed...God I already know you accept me I don't understand why you would tell the lady to tell me that. And He said because growing up no one ever accepted you. I was like What? Then all of a sudden my whole life flashed before me of all the times I was never accepted. I said that's impossible. How can a child receive so much rejection everywhere she went? He even showed me that I felt rejected by my mom for always putting me in daycare and with babysitters.
This has been hard for me to accept but God's timing is perfect. I finished reading the book Approval Addiction and after going through a weekend full of rejection I see that my eyes have been more open to it and I don't have to receive it anymore. This doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. But that I can walk away knowing that Christ accepts me no matter what people say, do, or think about me.
Rejection - Could possibly be the number one killer the enemy uses to destroy people. I think of suicide, depression, anger, murder, divorce , self mutilation and the list could go on...
I pray that I would be more open to the needs around me. To what other people are really saying and feeling before it's to late....Let me not reject others especially my husband and children, but instead love others with your agape love.
Then she tells me that she wants me to know that I am accepted here. Then the other one said she felt like God wanted me to know that He accepts me and that He died on the cross for me.
Later that night I prayed...God I already know you accept me I don't understand why you would tell the lady to tell me that. And He said because growing up no one ever accepted you. I was like What? Then all of a sudden my whole life flashed before me of all the times I was never accepted. I said that's impossible. How can a child receive so much rejection everywhere she went? He even showed me that I felt rejected by my mom for always putting me in daycare and with babysitters.
This has been hard for me to accept but God's timing is perfect. I finished reading the book Approval Addiction and after going through a weekend full of rejection I see that my eyes have been more open to it and I don't have to receive it anymore. This doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. But that I can walk away knowing that Christ accepts me no matter what people say, do, or think about me.
Rejection - Could possibly be the number one killer the enemy uses to destroy people. I think of suicide, depression, anger, murder, divorce , self mutilation and the list could go on...
I pray that I would be more open to the needs around me. To what other people are really saying and feeling before it's to late....Let me not reject others especially my husband and children, but instead love others with your agape love.
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