Insecure & Secure

I looked up the meaning of insecure and secure. I thought it interesting. I have a long way to go, but hey, at least I'm on my way.


Main Entry: in·se·cure
Function: adjective
Pronunciation: "in-si-'kyur
Etymology: Medieval Latin insecurus, from Latin in- + securus secure
1 : not confident or sure : UNCERTAIN
2 : not adequately guarded or sustained : UNSAFE
3 : not firmly fastened or fixed : SHAKY
4 a : not highly stable or well-adjusted b : deficient in assurance : beset by fear and anxiety

Main Entry: 1se·cure
Function: adjective
Pronunciation: si-'kyur
Inflected Form(s): se·cur·er ; -est
Etymology: Latin securus safe, secure, from se without + cura care -- more at SUICIDE
1 a archaic : unwisely free from fear or distrust : OVERCONFIDENT b : easy in mind : CONFIDENT c : assured in opinion or expectation : having no doubt
2 a : free from danger b : free from risk of loss c : affording safety d : TRUSTWORTHY , DEPENDABLE
3 : ASSURED 1

Books, Books & More Books

Uh, I am having a hard time sticking with one book lately. I am trying to read Captivating and Your All That! along with 3 other books. Then God is talking to me about insecurity lately and with that I need to read the insecurity section of the book that Joyce Meyer wrote in Straight talk. Then I just saw a new book called Face to Face with God that I really wanna pick up. It's about being in His presence. I can't keep up!

The Warrior is a Child

By Twila Paris

Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
Strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

Unafraid because His armor is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
Never face retreat
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
the warrior is a child

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and look up for a smile
'Cause deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
The Warrior is a Child

Releasing Tears

I have been crying all day. The pain that is coming up I never knew was there. It hurts so bad. And I can't stop crying. I think I am crying cuz I was left alone and I never had a mom(emotionally) and dad. I never knew that hurt me though. I wonder if I ever cried when I was little over this but I don't think so cuz I have kept this gotta keep going attitude in me and not let myself feel the pain and could not admit that it hurt. I can't believe I have been living like this all my life. This has followed me this whole time.
Everything has been a lie. The adults in the family have created some kinda illusion that it doesn't hurt and its not that way at all. But it's real and it's been eating me alive. All that time they tried to blame us. No one has ever taken responsibility for there own selves. It's always been our fault. And I been carrying this responsibility, there resposibility this whole time. I can't do it any more. I can't...

Dear Secret Keeper

You are taking me back to my childhood to find the little girl you created. I found her but she's lost. She's looking for her mother but she can't find her. Is it possible that even now I am still lost? Is it possible that I am still looking for my mother? I have no one Secret Keeper, they all left me. And now it's not only me they've left but also my children. But they were never really there in the first place were they? Was it all a delusion? Cuz I feel like I lived two lives.
Member when they would tell me how I have no heart....hahaha I laugh at that now. Cuz what they were really telling me was I don't care about them. Sometimes I hear whispers that I don't care about them and I start to feel guilty thinking maybe I don't and I should just be nicer. But being nicer never brought mom back. It's all a lie. In some twisted sick way I was expected to care and love my family without them loving me in return. That's how it's always been and that's how it still is. And that's why I left. But am I still running like when I was younger? Never belonging to no one or anything. Is this why I can't get comfortable every where I go? Help me Secret keeper. Please bring me home again...I keep going back only to leave again and again. I want to run into Your arms and stay this time.

Only You

I woke up this morning with this song on my mind. When I looked up the lyrics I knew God had given it to me. This has been my heart's cry the past few weeks that I have been sick. To come to a place where I see only Him and no other. Where His love is the only one that matter's and He is my only desire.


by the Platters

Only you can make this world seem right
Only you can make the darkness bright
Only you and you alone
Can thrill me like you do
And fill my heart with love for only you

Only you can make this change in me
For it's true, you are my destiny
When you hold my hand
I understand the magic that you do
You're my dream come true
My one and only you

Only you can make this change in me
For it's true, you are my destiny
When you hold my hand
I understand the magic that you do
You're my dream come true
My one and only you

Update

I have been sick all day. Tonight is the first time my head and face are not throbbing. I am hoping to be better for tomorrow night cuz either way I am still going to R.I. I don't want to miss the warrior class I am taking. I have been having trouble thinking straight due to this sickness and so haven't really wanted to blog. Kids had frozen burritos for dinner tonight and I think I will throw something in the crock pot for tomorrow's dinner. I just hope it comes out okay, I cannot taste a thing due to this cold or whatever it is.
On a more positive note I started preschool with the lil' ones today cuz after all "little guys rule" My new saying from the movie Surf's Up.